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Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2003-04-04 10:07 AM

Would you look at that kid in the back of the class,
He puts his head down and he falls asleep fast.
Now that I think I can't remember his name,
Or even from where this kid came.
I don't know but I sure can judge, right?
And just because I'm popular I'll win a fight.
If he overhears me and tries to start somethin',
Every last one of my "Boys" will jump in.
Because I'm popular and I don't care,
Because I'm popular and I don't fight fair.
Nobody cares how bad he has it, he's just a fool,
I bet he goes home and writes poems about school.
If he committed suicide my tears wouldn't have a chance,
But I'd pretend to be sad to get in some girls pants.
Look at his clothes he's a fashion freak,
And those glasses, OH MAND WHAT A GEEK!
It's so easy to make fun of this guy.
One time I did it until he ran home and cried.
Watchin' this kid look at his dead Mommy's locket,
Now he's reachin' for somethin' in his pocket.
OH MY GOD IT'S A GUN!
What’s he gonna!
BANG!

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

1 posted 2003-04-04 10:37 AM

Hmmm... What is there to say? A disturbing poem... And I think it has addressed the problem very well...

I have some things to say about the build-up of the poem... Would you want to hear it? You can mail me if you want...

Otherwise, some of the rhymes weren't perfect, but they worked well enough... Rhymes can be a pain sometimes...

I think the poem is a good one... It could need some work as to length of lines and stuff, but overall, I liked it!

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- Now with forums! :)

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2003-04-04 06:03 PM

Different poem, I liked it till the end.
But I also can't think of a better ending.

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

3 posted 2003-04-05 11:03 AM

Am I the only one who actually found htis quite funny?! This ruled! Nice one, you got my vote!
Ellie

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

4 posted 2003-04-05 11:53 AM

I also thought it was good until the end. Its a little...unconlusive. Otherwise its a very powerful poem and it addresses the issue well. I like teh title too.
Jenni

[This message has been edited by BrokenDreams (04-05-2003 11:54 AM).]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2003-04-05 03:04 PM

(big hugggssssss) Oh Sam, this is ever so tragic and common, dearest friend, kids are all too vulnerable in such an environment and it hurts me to see so many continue to get hurt so badly like this just when they want to be accepted! (sad sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, my prayers are out to all the kids being picked on and hope love can fill these environments more than ever, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sam, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

carol
Senior Member

since 2003-01-25

Posts 624
Florida USA

6 posted 2003-04-12 08:26 PM

Very different it is so sad that kids has to even think like this now

Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become
Lots of Love
Rita

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

7 posted 2003-04-13 03:54 AM

I liked this a lot... Way too true about life in school these days many places... Unfortunate. I loved how you said "I bet you go home and write poems about school" Totally ironic... hehe That's cool. Thanks for posting!

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

8 posted 2003-04-13 09:12 AM

I liked the concept...popular people always get away with things and they never seem to show any remorse for the people they hurt. I think it was well written but you might want to tweek the end a bit...maybe lengthen the last 3 lines into something more to further the idea. But that's just my opinion. Good job!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

9 posted 2003-04-20 12:19 PM

This is a very disturbing poem...but I think that it was wonderful. Popular kids just don't realize how hurtful they can be. You voiced this poem very well. Nice job. It's got my vote.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

FlyingCloud
Member

since 2003-04-28

Posts 151
A little place inside my head

10 posted 2003-05-06 05:57 PM

This hit me like a stone. Now, in high school, it isn't so bad, but in grade school, I was so scared of going to class, I would do anything to get out of it (yup, I was the one being picked on).

A truely effective poem hits people like that. Well done!

+Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.+
T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)

AlostHeart
Member

since 2003-05-01

Posts 78
Wisconsin, U.S.

11 posted 2003-05-06 06:44 PM

Hey Sam this was a very strong poem. It hits me hard. You address the subject well. I can't think of a better way to put it. Thats how I feel about the "popular" people at school. Keep writting.
With Love ~Tori

P.S. I voted TOO!

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

12 posted 2003-05-06 07:34 PM

I like this poem... though it is a very serious subject it is addressed in almost a humorous way... no, maybe i should say... sarcastic... it just tells it how it is... it's good... unlike some others, i like then ending... it's kind of a hit-in-the-head, unexpected surprise that makes you realize...

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

13 posted 2003-05-06 07:36 PM

hmm, interesting, a very serious subject this is. And I beileve personally in being nice to everyone no matter, how they treat me, or there background or anything, everyone, or in some cases almost everyone deserves to be respected.
I really like your title, grabbed my attention.
~Lexy

jayd
Junior Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 13

14 posted 2003-05-07 06:58 AM

i think that the poem is ok but wat the poem says it so true there are kids like this in every school and they dont even realise wat the things they are doing and saying can do to people
good choice of words

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