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Masquerade
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Masquerade |
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PoeTik JusTice Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186California, USA 
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I was going through my poems and I came across one of the very first poems I ever wrote, from a few years ago. I was wondering what you guys think of it! So give me some opinions and suggestions if you can? Thanks!  ------------------------------------- I play a role of a girl behind the mask Hiding what I feel from the rest My life isn't what it seems I am living in a masquerade A girl with a name but no true face A girl who doesn't know what she has become I can't fill this emptiness under false pretences I make them believe I can make it all alone But deep inside I am crying out The pain is so hard to confine I am living in a masquerade A girl with a name but no true face I write the script and play the role And in the end I will pay the tole This is how it has to be I can never reveal who I am Never let them see me weak They just can not understand My heart is throbbing Yet no one knows it I am living in a masquerade A girl with a name but no true face I can not let them see No, No The mask I must keep XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo |
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| © Copyright 2003 Serena Marie Corbella - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Drummerboy06 Junior Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 46Indiana |
Well for one of the first poems that you wrote, this is rather well written. Much better than the first one I wrote, to say the least. I do have one suggestion for you: stanzas. Put some breaks in the poem so it doesnt seem so long. And i would do something with the line 'a girl with a name but no true face.' Make it stand out somehow. This is the refrain of your poem and it cant just seem like another line in the piece, this is what will give the poem life, this repetition of who you are. Force the reader to realize that. But other than that, very good. Im usually not big on freestyle, but i like this one. |
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