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StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2003-03-07 10:13 PM

I'd like to call
Someone
From a payphone
In front of
A gas station
And tell them:
"I don't know
What I want."
Then I'll
Hang up
Before they say anything.
I'll drive off
And stop along
Highways
To take pictures.
Then
I'll call
Someone
From a payphone
And tell them:
"I think I know
What I want
Now."
I won't
Hang up
This time, I promise.
And they'll tell me:
"I don't know
Who you are."
Then they'll
Hang up
Before I say:
"Me neither."
I'll drive off
And stop along
Highways
To get some air.
Then
I'll call you
From a payphone
And tell you:
"I doubt
I'll ever have
This all
Figured out."
Then I'll
Wait for
Your reply:
"I'm glad you
Finally
Figured that out."

Whew. That was long. Only because of the line breaks. But I like it that way.

The end.

-erin-

All You Can Ever Learn Is What You Already Know

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

1 posted 2003-03-08 01:09 AM

cool, i dug this. i especially liked the first part, and this may sound kind of odd..but right now i'm in poetry class and our teacher is all about simplicity...so forgive me if i'm being dumb. i really would of loved if you have ended it at 'then i'll drive off' or whatever on the first part, however, the other parts make it good too. kind of...lovey? i don't know lol. it's a very interesting post. thanks for sharing.

-bergundy-

"crack my head open, on your kitchen floor. to prove to you, that i have brains." -Alkaline Trio

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2003-03-08 07:41 AM

This struck a chord. I like the style and your choice of wording. I would say extend the lines but after re-reading it a few times they work in the topics favour short. Although it's a simple piece, it does pack meaning that seems to be lacking in here of late.

Thanks for the read. It was enjoyed.

~AF~

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

3 posted 2003-03-08 08:35 PM

Thanks, guys.

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