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Teen Poetry #6

Bridge.

LuckyFelix
Junior Member

since 2003-01-17

Posts 34
Here.

0 posted 2003-03-05 06:32 AM

Today, as I crossed a crumbling bridge,
I took up a peice in my hand and walked on..
And while I walked I broke a bit off every few steps,
and let it fall to the ground,
until there was nothing..
And I was home.

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

1 posted 2003-03-06 03:21 PM

I like the general message, but I think you could probably add something to make it a little bit more touching, it was very nice though.

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2003-03-06 09:45 PM

Welcome to pip!!
This is a good poem, I like it alot.
I think it could be better if you added more, but it's also good the way it is.

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2003-03-06 10:48 PM

I wouldn't touch it. This captures the clipped moment it's supposed to capture...and I like it. Bravo..

~Carly

empty arms
and half a soul to go
-el sol
--Zwan

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