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REQUIEM:
New Member
since 2002-09-15
Posts 6


0 posted 2003-03-04 05:08 PM



Foreshadowed Romantic scent of Death
on sweetest hour, folding my Heart into a square; and
With the Full moon, am I. Absolutely a l o n e.
inasmuch as
Breathing through a painting by Vincent van Gogh.
Permit my eyes of melancholy Sweetness, giving forth a reason.
In Searching for an Angel...although.
NONE do Exist. Yet-


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain



[This message has been edited by REQUIEM: (03-04-2003 05:40 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 anonymous albert ? - All Rights Reserved
Fariegirl
Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 147

1 posted 2003-03-04 05:17 PM


good.
Chloey
Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible
2 posted 2003-03-04 06:13 PM


Nice Job!

I write what I feel and I feel what I write.

         *~*Chloey*~*

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2003-03-04 06:40 PM


What kind of replies are these?

anyway- this was pretty great. It deserves more replies. The style this was written in was nice. I loved the ending especially. I'd like to hear what some of your thoughts are on this. I thought you wrote it very well.
Hope to read more.


-j-

Look at the sun and burn your eyes. You'll be fine in the end.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
4 posted 2003-03-05 07:24 AM


Now here is someone I've been itching to see.

I'm dittoing dopes on those replies - idiots. Anyway, beautiful as per usual and it's got me thinking. Wonderful imagery and the punctuation/construction appears well thought out. You're still as talented as ever and no words can describe how much I've missed reading your work.

More, now.

~AF~

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal

NSnaomian
Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232
In my troll closet I be
5 posted 2003-03-05 08:45 PM


I absolutely love the style used here and thought how you did this..."a l o n e." was a show of originality. Please, keep em comin!!
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

clve527
Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200

6 posted 2003-03-05 09:49 PM


That thing that was done with alone was not original. And out of curiousity, can you please explain the purpose of it, what it does for the poem?  *Just so I can see why*

casey

frolicking dolphin
Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268
my own special world
7 posted 2003-03-06 03:01 PM


I think the way that REQUIEM did the alone thing added a lot of style to the piece, and even if it wasn't that original I think that it was used well, very nice poem, it was emotional and well thought out.  

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
8 posted 2003-03-06 09:53 PM


I like this piece alot, the title really caught my attention.
What the alone does for the poem in my opinion is that it gets the point across more,
it makes me read that part slower, which in turn makes it more heartfelt.

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
9 posted 2003-03-06 10:28 PM


Whoa, very effective emphasis on the word "alone," paying special detail to each and every element--in this case, each letter--giving the reader a sense of just how small and fragile the parts of "alone" can feel... I'm so glad you ended with "yet." There is hope, yes yes!!

  ~Carly

empty arms
and half a soul to go
                     -el sol
                        --Zwan

[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (03-06-2003 10:29 PM).]

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
10 posted 2003-03-07 08:31 PM


Hmm... interesting. Emphasis on alone? Why on earth would somebody do that?
Ever been alone casey? hehe Sometimes it's horrible and some people feel the need to do that to a certain word, not out of "originality" but out of a need to connect with the audience. How alone? Pretty damn alone.


Sometimes the lonliness in the world can kill. Personally, I am not bothered by being alone, but hey that's me. I enjoyed the poem, and had no problem with the "alone" part.

I just didn't appreciate the kind of reply some one gave. Mah bad.

Anyhow, good poem. Lookin' forward to more.


-j-

Look at the sun and burn your eyes. You'll be fine in the end.

clve527
Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200

11 posted 2003-03-08 08:12 AM


I can understand the emphasis, but I would like to see if the poet has a poetic reason for it.  You can't just throw something in a poem to be cute.  My main concern was the fact that some thought the emphasis to be "original" which it isn't.  Now if the poet would like to explain their reasoning it would be much appreciated.

Casey

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
12 posted 2003-03-08 03:10 PM


I agree with you on the explanation. I'd like to see it myself. I was just commenting on the fashion you expressed yourself in. No worries, it's all good.


Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
13 posted 2003-03-08 04:09 PM


I enjoyed this poem. alone... well alone can be good, but most of the time it sucks the big one. i enjoyed the poem alot, i like the form and everything to it.


PS
talk to ya soon, k?

Regina

"heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
14 posted 2003-03-08 11:47 PM


REQUIEM - first off - I love the name - secondly = Welcome to PIP! This was amazing - I just loved it - xxoo
BabieDoll
Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268
BFE
15 posted 2003-03-10 07:29 PM


I liked it! Good write!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

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