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Teen Poetry #6
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Sociopath
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Sociopath |
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Triskaidekaphobia Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 251In a state of disrepair... |
“They must have thought that I was out.” I address the words to a window pane As they all gather there. They cannot see me there Hiding behind the curtain. If they did I would have no excuse With which to ease myself “As it is I’m staying in. It was nice of you to ask!” I address the words to a whitened sill So I can see who is out and about. You know that it is not really true You called but ten minutes past Claimed that they were going nowhere For they do not seem to care. “As it is I’m happy by myself. I’ve got things to do, all right?” I address the words to an empty street Where no one else now stands. True, I am happy by myself, I just love to watch the street at night! Silent, still, alone and in the dark. Waiting for a dawn of light. “They must have thought that I love my life.” Address the words to a busy road Where the world is moving past. And then away to sleep through day To wake again next night To look out of my window’s gaze To hope again they see the light. If not, I hope they know what it is To see in neon before your eyes Each and every waking day The legend written bright “I hate myself.” There should be a psychology of feet. For do we not make decisions with our legs and walk about on our brains? What do you mean "No, not really"? |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
Another great write. And windows are really cool to talk to, I talk to mine all the time. I liked the way the poem had a sense of "There's nothing wrong" at the beginning, only to reveal the truth at the end. Nice one  Ellie  PS- Can I call you Trisk? You have a sorta long and hard to write name....... I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged! |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
Very thoughtful, I really liked this poem. ~*~Karen~*~ |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
ohh! yeah trisk is a good name. lol anyway...damn i love the title. (had to say that) decent imagery. hmm what else? nice punch at the end, a bit depressing, but hey, such is life, right? haha lots of commas...anyway. overall i enjoyed it, i thought it was unique. good stuff *Thumbs up* thanks for sharin. -bergundy- "crack my head open, on your kitchen floor. to prove to you, that i have brains." -Alkaline Trio |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Before I say anything, I quite like your critique message.  This is a well thought out piece in my opinion. You've covered enough of your emotions to make it strong yet not overbearing. Many of the lines read well together and one that particularly stood out was: I address the words to an empty street It's such a simple line but you've worded it differently instead of making it seem plain and boring. Thanks for posting. I hope to see more from you soon. ~AF~ "Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal |
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