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Teen Poetry #6

Defective Human

Obsolete
Junior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 43

0 posted 2003-07-08 01:02 AM

Amidst a pile of rubble,
you were found and brought home
Feeling over your skin,
I found various scars and scratches
Carefully and painstakingly,
they were fixed with a new layer of paint
Inspecting your clothes,
I noticed many tears and rips
Soon thereafter,
they were replaced with new fabric
While observing your movement,
I saw your limited stamina
Without hesitation,
a battery was placed into your body
When holding you close,
I felt no emotion
With kindness and patience,
I taught you what love was
Now that you feel alive,
you have abandoned me
You sensed that I had a heart,
and you tore it out of me

infinite disaster
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 69
Illinois

1 posted 2003-07-08 01:06 AM

wow. i like that. so descriptive. keep writing.
much love, akie.

I am proof that the heart is a risky fuel to burn.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2003-07-08 01:16 AM

Hmmm... interesting...

Skyfire owns you - Stinky Twinky

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2003-07-08 05:48 PM

Very unique..I enjoyed the style of this piece as well as the content..well done.
~Lex

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

4 posted 2003-07-09 04:15 PM

wow, i am seriously blown out. considering what my mind is going through right now, that was amazing. i loved the form you used in describing everything. wow, thats all i have to say.

riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2003-07-09 07:00 PM

Woah!
This, so far, is my favorite of you work!
Excellent, excellent job!!!
Beautiful poem, wonderfully held together!

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Obsolete
Junior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 43

6 posted 2003-07-09 07:19 PM

Thank you, it's highly appreciated.

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