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devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

0 posted 2003-02-20 04:55 PM

This isn`t very good but I just figured I`d give it a shot.

LOL It`s pretty sad and serious. I came up with this a few nights ago while I was sleeping..So I got up and wrote it down. Hope you enjoy.

Closing out the screams she slams the door
It echos through her tidal waves of pain
His words pick at her scabs
Until they rip open
Crying tears of blood
Empty promises
Words filled with lies
They`re all she hears
When she goes to sleep at night

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2003-02-20 05:18 PM

(big hugggssssssss) This is so very wonderfully written but sad, sweet friend, I hope all is alright as I send healing hugs your way! (sigh) This is poignant, sweet friend, I love it, this truly does cut to the heart, you have my vote, BRAVO, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-02-20 11:43 PM

I thought this was a very emotional write. I could feel the pain of the subject. I hope it's not a personal experience. Either way, it's written very well and it has my vote....

Hugs,
Ethel....garysgirl

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

3 posted 2003-02-21 04:28 AM

words from the heart

Charisma

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

4 posted 2003-02-21 09:06 AM

You know, I really liked this. Very strong images. You have my vote.

Jenn

"Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me."

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

5 posted 2003-02-21 05:25 PM

Thanks very much you guys. It wasn`t and was personal. I`m not abused or anything but the whole empy promises and words picking at my scabs is about a guy...so this poem can be interprated many ways.

Thanks very much for replying

Noah- You are such a sweetheart.

You made me feel so much better. Hugs to you too.

Thanks again to you all.
*Allison*

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

6 posted 2003-02-23 03:37 PM

"...His words pick at her scabs
Until they rip open
Crying tears of blood..."

These are my favorite lines,
presenting the most vivid
images.
Well done, Allison. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2003-02-23 03:46 PM

I liked the poem. I thought it was pretty good, morbid, but good. I hope all is well. Keep posting.

-j-

Look at the sun and burn your eyes. You'll be fine in the end.

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

8 posted 2003-02-23 04:21 PM

I wish I could have poetry come to me in my sleep like that LOL
Although it was sad it was very well written, and I know how you feel.

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

9 posted 2003-02-24 04:49 PM

Actually gettin ideas in your sleep is a pain. LOL Cause then you have to get up and write em down cause you`re scared they`ll go away. LOL
*Allison*

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

10 posted 2003-02-24 08:03 PM

I agree, you did a good job here!!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

11 posted 2003-02-25 02:46 AM

I like the way your poem could take on several meanings and that is what poetry is all about the reader's concept of what it is about. Great job.

~* Carpe' Diem *~

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

12 posted 2003-03-04 09:29 PM

i think that this was good man came to u in ur sleep,eH?? lol good job

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

13 posted 2003-03-04 10:31 PM

Awww...how sad.

Good write, though Allison.. Sorry I' havent been replying for awhile..I haven't been here in a LONG LONG time.
But good job!

Ttyl!

--sara

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

14 posted 2003-03-13 10:00 PM

hey,
this was great, i no i hate when ur sittin there and somethin comes that u really like and then u forget it cuz u dont write it down, but i'm glad u wrote this one down to share w/ us!! it was awesome!!

"sometimes i just feel like
quittin i still might
why do i put up this fight?
why do i still write?"

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

15 posted 2003-03-18 01:52 AM

Lots of emotion in this one.
Nicely done, Allison.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

16 posted 2003-03-18 08:28 AM

Thank you guys for your input and positive comments. I actually realized a forgot a line. I must`ve been asleep when I posted this too. lol But thanks again and it always makes my day when I get an email that says someone replied to my topic!

*Allison*

[This message has been edited by devinechild22 (03-18-2003 08:29 AM).]

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