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Teen Poetry #6
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heart_of_ice
Junior Member
since 2003-02-18
Posts 14
England

0 posted 2003-02-18 02:03 PM



In her smiling face there is no sign of sadness,
In her laughing eyes not a tear,
If anyone asks she's fine, she's great,
She's learnt to hide the pain and fear.

In her dimpled cheeks there's no hint of ailment,
Her lips curved into a good humoured grin,
But although she's happy on the outside
It's only a mask to hide what's within.

When she thinks that no-one's watching
She drops the cheerful guise,
And if anyone were to look more closely
They'd see the torment in her eyes.

© Copyright 2003 Fae Cook - All Rights Reserved
*Belabebeautiful*
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696
washington, USA
1 posted 2003-02-18 06:12 PM


Let me be the first to welcome you to PIP!! That said, wow this is a wonderful first piece. This expresses something I'm sure every person has suffered from and you capture what the feeling really Feels like here. Nicely done! Enjoyable read!
~Live and Laugh~

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

BabieDoll
Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268
BFE
2 posted 2003-02-18 06:51 PM


I loved this poem....I really relate to it. I feel exactly like the girl in this poem. I know that's not a great thing to say, but I just want to express how much it hit me. Great first poem!

~J.Lynn  

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

Quiet Acquiescence
Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 70
somewhere out here
3 posted 2003-02-18 09:57 PM


Welcome heart_of_ice! I love this poem (it describes me awhile ago). I think it sounds just beautiful. The emotion is great. I hope you enjoy being a part of Passions just as much as I have. I look forward to reading more of your work.

~*~Quiet Acquiescence~*~

~*~Courage is wings~*~

molly_the_dolly
Junior Member
since 2003-02-12
Posts 25
Ontario, Canada
4 posted 2003-02-18 10:40 PM


Great write!
NSnaomian
Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232
In my troll closet I be
5 posted 2003-02-18 11:31 PM


Great post for your first!
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!
I just have to say that I wished there was more to this, but thats all. It was great nonetheless and I expect great things from you.
Once again welcome,
I hope you find a home here!
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

majnu
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088
SF Bay Area
6 posted 2003-02-19 01:29 AM


Hi and Welcome to PIP!

I enjoyed this first poem of yours and the ending was quite sad. I will make sure to watch out for more of your work.

I am sure you will enjoy PIP. Our diverse membership provides a unique social and literary experience.

If you have any question do not hesitate to contact myself or any other moderator, and make sure to check your mail for a special surprise.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Shlee
Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 72
USA
7 posted 2003-02-19 08:52 AM


Welcome   You write very well and this was a very good read.  You have shown the masked side of life very well.  I can completely relate.  Thanks for sharing.  I hope you enjoy it here.
PoetryIsLife
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Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
8 posted 2003-02-19 11:01 PM


Welcome to pip, my lil' newbie. Welcome. I hope you have a wonderful time around the forums. Be sure to wander about, make yourself known.

The poem shows a lot of promise. Nice length, good stanza breaks, a feel for both the beginning and end... definetly shows promise, my newbie. Keep it up.

Oh, I was curious, did you mean to spell it 'learnt'? I think the correct spelling is 'learned.' Just checking.

~Titus

"On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died."

  

Waterbirdfly
Junior Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 32
China
9 posted 2003-02-19 11:13 PM


Your name make me thinking of our native writer---Bingxin.I wonder if you know her.
AJMGW
Member
since 2002-11-19
Posts 57
Galaxy Roller Rink
10 posted 2003-02-20 12:41 PM


Hey/Hi/Wuz-up?/ welcome!
sorry I had a wierd moment.
Welcome! I liked it. short and sweet.
well have fun here and write!
I lke this stuff.
^*~AJMGW~*^

MissKlarmic
Member
since 2003-02-20
Posts 70
Canada,N.S
11 posted 2003-02-23 03:38 PM


What a meaningfull work of art. Ah its so..rare to find a piece of work that can be related to on so many levels.. good job very good job indeed.
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
12 posted 2003-02-24 05:06 PM


Welcome to Passions!
I enjoyed this first piece of yours. I'd like to see more of your work.
It seems your dealing with a problem a lot of people encounter. Some of us put more of a mask than others. Do we do it out of the fear that others will recognize our true selves? That might be one reason, but regardless of the purpose you have to ask yourself if it's worth it.

Masks....bah....we don't need them.

great poem.

Look at the sun and burn your eyes. You'll be fine in the end.

BrokenDreams
Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425
In The Clouds
13 posted 2003-02-24 05:15 PM


this is awesome. I can relate to it well, unfortunately. I like that the whole thing doesn't sound forced. good write, I hope to hear more from you.

Jenn

think about this: everyone you know will someday die.

heart_of_ice
Junior Member
since 2003-02-18
Posts 14
England
14 posted 2003-02-25 10:10 AM


thankyou everyone for your encouraging replies....i really apreciate your comments.

Fae

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