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Rider
New Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 7
Framingham (rural Massachusetts)

0 posted 2003-02-13 08:27 PM

  I am living in a hole
  A hole that I have dug
  Four years worth of dirt lie beside it
  And an hour of effort

  This hole is mine
  And mine alone,
  Although I did not dig it
  Others helped me in my project

  Punks from the southside;
  Skaters from the east;
  and the enevitable jock or cheerleader
  They all passed the shovel along

  I sit here in my hole
  Waiting for the time to pass
  All alone
  Dreaming hope will make me last

-Rider

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

1 posted 2003-02-13 08:32 PM

hi, rider

very nice images indeedy. i 'dug' the first second and last stanzas, but thought the third took away from the whole feel of the poem and made it more generic then the other stanzas. *shrugs*

having said that, this is a rather good first post! looking forward to reading more....

welcome rider!

hope you find it nice here

Congratulations! It's a bisexual!

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

2 posted 2003-02-13 09:53 PM

I know exactly what is being said here. You did a great job with this and a good first post =)
Welcome to Passions!
Have lots of fun here!!!
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

3 posted 2003-02-13 10:20 PM

good poem. i get what you mean. i'm also new here, but i hope to see more from you.

jenn

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

4 posted 2003-02-14 12:12 PM

Welcome to pip!! You've made a good start with this poem, wonderful job!
Though I have to agree with Cherish about that 3rd stanza, other than that, Perfection!!
Well done!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

5 posted 2003-02-17 02:43 PM

Welcome to PIP!

This piece is quite cool, I look forward to more of your work.

Also, make sure to check your mail for a surprise.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

[This message has been edited by majnu (02-17-2003 02:47 PM).]

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

6 posted 2003-02-17 08:45 PM

Welcome! Good first post! I could totally understand what you were saying. Hope to see more from you!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

7 posted 2003-02-18 12:54 PM

Wonderfully written first post! I love the meaning behind the words that you have displayed here. I would either change the last stanza or take it out entirely though, It doesn't flow well with the rest of the poem, other than that you have a beautifully written piece here, I hope to see more!
~Live and Laugh~

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

Shlee
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 72
USA

8 posted 2003-02-19 10:52 AM

Very well done. I'm not sure about the third stanza, it fits and yet it doesn't but I still think it's quite good. Keep it up. Welcome from one new member to another

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