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OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

0 posted 2003-02-10 07:25 PM

This is not what I had in mind when I went to write so I think I'm going to do a better one inspired by the same thing... that thing? The coolest thing EVER. I used to think it was just me... but when you're asleep, do you ever feel yourself falling? And wake up real fast to catch yourself? It's crazy cool and if anyone knows why, share the info kids!!!

Catch Myself Falling

Tonight I lay alone
But that's okay
I don't mind it on my own.
I'm sleeping solo,
but I'm not cold.
And in the night I feel you
But when in my dreams I fall
I catch myself.

I'm alone.
But that's okay.
I've got my own back today
And I don't mind it on my own
I'll catch myself and dream away.

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

1 posted 2003-02-10 08:51 PM

I really liked the poem! If your intent was to write about waking up from a dream were you feel you are falling then I think the subject might be off just a little but I like the poem as is. If you are still thiking about writting a poem about falling dreams I encourage it those are the best kind of dreams for really weird feelings when you wake up!! And I think you have the talent to capture the emotion in it!

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2003-02-10 09:13 PM

This was a different subject. Very good!
What an awesome poem! Wonderful.
Well done!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2003-02-11 06:27 PM

OtherSideOfTheMirror:

Really liked this one. I've had some of those dreams myself, and it's actually kind of disturbing for me because I have this small fear of heights (doesn't affect me on an airplane though).

Concept and inspiration of this piece is understandable. The flow is fine until the second stanza, third line. You're missing a beat I think. Short and simply well written! Maybe next time, you could expand on what it really feels like? (i.e. give us an insight to add a bit more "depth".)

Thanks for sharing!

Leah

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2003-02-15 06:10 PM

What a interesting concept to write a poem on. It love it.

And yes, it is an interesting.... sometimes, when in my dream, I think I'm falling, or something similar, and I wake up in a flash, and I'm....

"Whoa."

it's always an interesting experincing.

The poem is full of potential. I think it could use some work, but it has a good start.... a lot of what Leah said is good advice. (Hi, Leah.

)

"Tonight I lay alone
But that's okay
I don't mind it on my own.
I'm sleeping solo,
but I'm not cold.
And in the night I feel you
But when in my dreams I fall
I catch myself.

I'm alone.
But that's okay.
I've got my own back today
And I don't mind it on my own
I'll catch myself and dream away."

See, now that I've read it again... it's short, but that's not neccessarily bad. I don't know. I feel like I'm left wanting more, you know? Like double the size of this one, or whatnot. Like, this is a great start, but is still, just the beginning. Yet... I can see why you wrote just what you did.

Do what you do; I'll read.

~Titus

Es ist gut, daß das Leben die Toten studieren sollte.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

5 posted 2003-02-15 06:21 PM

I like this poem, I like the title and I like the content/main idea.

I think it might be a little better if it were longer...but what you have now is still very good. Great job!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

6 posted 2003-02-15 11:13 PM

thank you all! I've never had responses that looked like people thought so much about it! I don't usually post the edited ones but this time I think I will, when I get the inspiration on the topic again. I think i'll actually do another one on the whole falling thing and make the other idea in this separate cause they are in fact kind of different. Thanks for taking your time to help me, and I'm a little lost on how to describe the whole falling feeling so if you have any words on that experience, help me out!!!

Love you all
~Cassi

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2003-02-20 07:50 PM

OtherSideOfTheMirror~
I REALLY like this a lot.
Not only is the subject matter unique,
but the poem has a very positive message as well.
I just love the whole idea of it and the
thought of having your own back and being
'ok' on your own.
Very nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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