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Teen Poetry #6

Dead of Night (Updated)

Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

0 posted 2003-01-29 11:44 PM

In the dead of night,
as the crickets sang,
tears fell upon my pillow.

The morning hour approached,
as shadows searched,
branchs swayed
and hope went out the window.

In the mignight hour,
as the silence strangles
life became more clear.

That time
in the dead of night,
death came near.

- This is nowhere near done but I'm stuck! Help! -

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

1 posted 2003-01-31 10:12 PM

Do you want crituqes? It says you're nuetral on the subject, but your asking for thoughts says yes, you do want them. Just curious.

I personally LOVED this piece.

It was.... I was able to attach myself to the feel of the poem. I could see the imagery, what you were trying to show. It was dark, moody, sad, detached, emotional, all wrapped in one. The only thing that puzzled me was the ending. The length seemed fine to me, but the entering of 'death' into the poem seemed.... a dramatic ploy, not a part of the poem, a natural ending. But, that's just me. Why did you include 'death' near the end?

~Titus

Es ist gut, daß das Leben die Toten studieren sollte.

Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

2 posted 2003-02-05 12:38 PM

I love critiques . . . It's always nice to know what people think of my poetry. Thanks for your comments and I'm still working on this, so I'm not so sure about the death line . . .

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