Teen Poetry #6 |
Blue Figment of You |
OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
new new new and hot off the... uh... page. Well anyway I'm not big on repitition but this uses the same three words... Tell me what ya think!!! From ice cold eyes Flows water blue These icicles I've cried for you And I wonder if You're crying, too. So frosted are my eyes I see only a figment of you Everything's faded Everything's blue And I wonder if You see me, too. So cold beneath these lids of mine Are dreams of being close to you But the lighter shades begin to fade And all turns to darker blue... I wonder if I've lost you. |
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barbaraj Member
since 2003-01-24
Posts 139Nova Scotia, Canada |
great poem. i felt i could really relate. plus the imagery was very cool. A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ... |
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Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
I really love the first stanza. The second was so-so. It didn't seem to live up to the standard of the first. But the last stanza was better again. But the lighter shades begin to fade And all turns to darker blue... Beautiful. "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
WOW! This is soooo great!! I think this just could be my favorite of yours! I wouldn't be able to pick a favorite line but I really liked, "These icicles I've cried for you." I LOVE this! Wonderful job!! (hot off the page, and straight into my library. ) WinterWren |
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
I'm a little late but I liked this. Good write. I'm not sure if I understand the second stanza much because you say your vision is faded and you see only a figment. Then you ask if he sees you too. I'm wondering if you meant if he sees a faded figment of you or if you meant if he sees the real you. Anyway, this was still a good write. Catch ya later. ex animo, Aaron There are no great men, only men in great circumstances. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
This is most likely the first poem I've read by you, and so far, a very good first impression. ^^ Really, the flow of this was like water in a...flowy situation. XD Okay, bad example. My brain is fried. But nonetheless, I liked how the lines got steadily longer as the poem progressed. You started off with short sentences, and then longer ones in the second stanza, and then even longer ones in the third. Found that quite cool. ^^ But then you went back to the short lines at the end. AHHH! *cough* *ahem* Just the whole format that you wrote this in has its own meaning. Wow. Great work here! Keep it up! Fried Fly in a Pie, Leah |
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Victoria7 Junior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 21 |
i loved your first stanza! |
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