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anonymousfemale
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo

0 posted 2003-01-23 12:08 PM



Romanticising springs September     

As I stare at the 5am sky
There are sparkling diamonds
Peering down on me like
Jewels without their pride.
Within my peanut butter realm
Of crunchy yet smooth realities,
The canvassing of dawn approaches
And I know my time has passed.
One hour runs like Groundhog Day,
Each minute highlighting a defeat
Of technicolour sorrow and trouncing.

Inside a spectre of a light tube
Burnt on Bunsen burners in haste,
The charcoal remains of night
Runs staunchly into ashes and dust.
Beneath my numbed toes, black
And blue from eternal bruising of
The soul, there is no release.
Cigarette residue hangs on my
Clothing like moths to a light.
On the darkness of my mood
They etch their gloom in soft flutters.

Subtle sounds of chirping birds
Break through the serenity of
Indulging the obscurity of Death
And his marching orders from Hell.
Dawn approaches in faster intervals,
The clock steadily strikes off key to
A heartbeat irregular in time and note.
Forty thousand sands of moments lost
Build a forte in pitiful wallows,
Deeply hidden in tombs of gold and grey.
For underneath the floorboards
Coloured in blood and carvings deep,
I know that days are twisted
When sleep surrenders to the tide.

30th September 2002

-----------

There was a reason for writing this. I'll give someone $50 if they can tell me what it was.

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal

© Copyright 2003 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Darkness
Member
since 2002-10-17
Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.
1 posted 2003-01-23 12:13 PM


Wow! this was awesome I loved all of the metaphors. It was like something was eating my brain while I was reading it. Truly amazing and thaught provoking.

Darkness

Marshalzu
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since 2001-02-15
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Lurking
2 posted 2003-01-23 12:19 PM


quote:
Cigarette residue hangs on my
Clothing like moths to a light.
On the darkness of my mood
They etch their gloom in soft flutters


Wow... this poem is saturated with wonderful imagery, the language is beautiful and the meaning is way over my head . This is such an extremely well written peice, I like the use of enjambment, infact I like it all... this is definitely going in my library

My Violent Bedtime Stories

REQUIEM:
New Member
since 2002-09-15
Posts 6

3 posted 2003-01-23 12:39 PM


...You always Amaze me, Elizabeth.

[This message has been edited by REQUIEM: (01-23-2003 12:41 PM).]

Jenn Cirrincione
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since 2000-07-02
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Fl
4 posted 2003-01-23 12:45 PM


Lizzy!!! I've missed you girl. I've always loved your writing my dear. I really feel like my senses are put to work when I read your stuff. Beautiful.

Jenn

"I keep looking, looking for something more." Sara Evans

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
5 posted 2003-01-24 06:42 AM


BOO!!

Darkness - eating your brains, eh? I'm quite flattered to hear that. Glad to see you got so much out of it.

Mister Zu - Zu!!! How've you been, man? I find it hard to believe that this went over your head because you're one of the kings of deep, hidden meanings. Thanks for the reply.

Requim - If this is who I think it is, I am SOOOOOOOOO happy to see you! You better tell me who it is so I have an idea and aren't making a fool of myself - haha.

Jenn - I've missed you too, Jenn. It's nice to see that your senses got stimulated. You know how I don't like to produce crap that doesn't do that.

Thank you all for your replies.

~AF~

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal

Marshalzu
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Lurking
6 posted 2003-01-24 12:04 PM


Hey AF I'm good, long time no see, maybe you could send me a road map for this one?
Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
7 posted 2003-01-24 02:16 PM


*squeals happily* It's you  

An imagery-loaded piece here..as always, Widabeff..I'd stay years in your everywhere if it meant experiencing this every second..

Keep writing. Pleeeease keep writing. I'll forgive you if you don't post, just keep writing.  

  ~Carly

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
   Old Time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles to-day
   To-morrow will be dying."
                   ~Robert Herrick
          

[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (01-24-2003 02:17 PM).]

Local Parasite
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since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
8 posted 2003-01-24 02:25 PM


The reason you wrote this?  Well I'd have to guess it'd be the same reason you were up at 5 am... you couldn't sleep, and had all this extra time to yourself.  We usually don't get that much time off 'cause we are so obsessed with sleeping in...

Insomnia really is an intimate moment with oneself, isn't it?  You can look up at the sky and realize how microscopic your conception of time is.  Minutes, seconds are all irregular, off-beat and off-tone... so much can exist within a single second, and so little can exist within an entire day.

Watching the sunrise, I'm guessing, snaps you into epiphany... that something like a sunrise exists in an instant, as it exists in an hour, or in several hours, or as the dawn influences the entire rest of the day.  

Sunrise only takes a few minutes, each minute can highlight a defeat, and one hour can run like a whole day (Groundhog's Day, I'm assuming the reference is to the anticipation of prophecy on Groundhog's Day, but you might also be referring to the way the movie worked?).

Very beautiful, very thought-provoking poem.  Took me 5 minutes to read, and now, I have to go away for 50 minutes of empty (sociology class)...

How about you write something new?  Post that?  I'd love you for ever and ever... seriously.

Brian

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
9 posted 2003-01-24 08:23 PM


*big smile* i liked this beaucoup...well i think its been awhile since ive read or replied to one of your pieces. keep on writing....50 bucks eh? well you know i realluy dont know exactly....but im brain dead so ill try another time, ok?

Regina

blakloks
Member
since 2002-06-01
Posts 60

10 posted 2003-01-24 09:32 PM


wow... I cant begin to describe how good this piece is... just wonderful... really brings out that moment of time... loved it.
Android 17
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since 2001-07-21
Posts 664
Winnipeg
11 posted 2003-01-25 07:57 PM


Hey there Lizzy,

I cannot really recall reading your work...but this being of grand infulence, I'll be sure not to miss another one of your works! I really liked this...haha---the peanut butter metaphor was grand! ^_^

Hmmm...why did you write this? Hmmm...so that we'd all sit here, for days on end---trying to figure out what the heck it means? LOL, naw...hmmm

Honestly, I'm not sure. And to save my sanity, I think I won't even TRY and crack this code! Bravo Liz...Bravo!

Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
12 posted 2003-01-27 07:04 AM


Boo once again!

Zu - sure thing. It'll be long and depressing, though. Are you up for it??

Carlita - I'll always write, deary. You know that. However if you knew the honest meaning behind this one I'm sure you wouldn't want to stay here. Thanks for the reply and i'm glad to see you enjoyed it. I miss talking to you - email is coming your way soon.

Brian - You got quite a few of those right but the overall meaning didn't quite lock. I did like your interpretation however. It's good to see that you saw things in it that other people didn't. Hope sociology was fun and I'll post something new in a little while, ok?

Regi - Nice to see you floating around in here. Thanks for stopping by and reading. I'll give you the 50 anyway -

Blakloks - The moment in time is what I was going for so I'm glad to see you enjoyed it.

Alex - I could have sworn you've read some of my work - or at least replied..haha. Two different things at the best of times. Actually trying to read between the lines is a bitch with my pieces so skip it for your sanity.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

~AF~

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
13 posted 2003-06-10 10:34 PM


hiya my rockin babe!!! *goes bezeerk* yes, with the double ee thing in there too.

you know what? i actually just read this again last night! i reached over the side of my bed in a desperate attempted to amuse myself with whatever i would pull out of the massive pile of papers that is my floor and pulled out a handful of tangent stuff amongst which was this.

then i decided that instead of surfing for solitaires, i'd check out pip for a while and voila- zee {beardless} bard woman of the gully had posted!


about the poem, i, like brian, thought it was something to do with sleep, or lack there of. but not only the lack of sleep, but the waking of people. or much rather, the thought of people out there who are waking to different lives, while you are stuck in this repeating timescape. heh, a part of me can relate to this, but the other part of me indulges in not having anything to do.
i guess sometimes, not having anything to do is depressing, but at others its not. {but then again, my interpretation is geared towards my ever-nothing-to-do-dom-nessishly}

i'd like to say that i know you well enough to know what youre on about, so im thinking that this is about watching a world go on with its days while you, sit by and watch it roll on without change {or even care?} desperately not wanting to be there.

either that or its about your smoking addiction. how about i send you a cold turkey to bash against those tall walking ciggies so oft found at bus-stops? *winks*

looooooooooove you to death,
princess alarmings official spoon holder.

{lol...i had to edit this cuz i, being the silly tart that i am, said that i like brian, smack bang in the middle of my reply...oh save me little comma... }
  


Congratulations! It's a bisexual!

[This message has been edited by cherish (06-10-2003 10:39 PM).]

Fading Away
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Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
14 posted 2003-06-11 11:03 AM


Oh, Lizzy... How I've missed you! Seeing your name back in the forum is like a breath of fresh air! Is this return more permanent? Or am I being rash in thinking that...? Whatever the case, this is an absolutely beautiful poem. It's different from what I expected from the title, for some reason. It's different from what I've previously read from you.

The first stanza introduces a scene which I'm sure you're quite used to - being awake early in the dawn and watching the sun rise - you insomniac, you. The description of the stars makes a surreal image, but the metaphor using peanut butter (the chunky kind, of course... the other stuff is yucky) is a bittersweet thought in the middle of an otherwise depressing idea.

As the second stanza goes on to describe a beautiful scene of a sunrise, the tone suddenly changes from present to past, and the image of cigarette ash makes an awesome metaphor for the unchanging times. Very cool!

All through parts of the second stanza and into the third, it seems like the good and evil begin to fight each other - the good being the sun trying to break through the clouds. Whether I'm right or not, it indeed is nice to have some interpretation of one's imagination here.

Lizzy, this is a masterpiece... just as soon as I think your poetry can't get any better (that's a compliment - I promise ) you post something like this and blow my mind.  This is awesome... and I don't believe I would expect anything less.

I've missed you so... email me, and I promise I'll repsond!

I LOOOVE YOU!

Yours.
Marie

"You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life)

Fading Away
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15 posted 2003-06-14 12:22 PM




People should read this one.

Love you.

"You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life)

DancinQueen
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Senior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA
16 posted 2003-06-19 10:45 PM


:bouncing: HEY LIZ~!~~~~!!!!!! :bouncing:

I missed you!~!!!!! I haven't been in here for sooo long and it's so nice to come back and read something by you.  I miss your poetry.  It's a breath of fresh air   Ahh...and this poem.  Wow..amazing.  I couldnt even find the words to tell you how much i ejoyed this.  Ahh...I'll just stop babbling.  Stay in touch! Miss you sweetheart

XoXo's ~ Kiley

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

dertah
Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584

17 posted 2003-06-19 11:26 PM


this was the greatest poem ive read in a while.  koodos!!  i loved the way you transversed everything into something else.
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