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IndigoEve
Member

since 2003-01-10

Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time

0 posted 2003-01-16 12:14 PM

here is a poem of mine-first on piptalk. hope you like. Suggestions/constructive criticism welcome.

That one
Fine point
Of symmetry
Hangs low
Between
Our world
And the one
Beneath
Testing
Its limits
In the
Fiery chasm
Of
Contradiction
Blazing
A path
For
The righteous
To follow

Such elegant
Poise
Holds
Us all
Attempting
To balance
Our souls
Upon
Lucid points
And then
Letting
Us fall
Into
Alignment
With the
Sole
And true
Purpose
Of immaculate
Equivalence

Fall
We will
To reach
Full proportion
Of grace
Escaping
The grasp
Divergence
Keeps
Greedily
Seizing
Every wish
Of equitability
And reconstructing
Them
Until
They befit
The sadistic
Variance
Of asymmetry
That it holds

We stand
Counterpoised
Affixed to
That very
Brim
Separating
Truth
From lies
And regularity
From imbalance
As it threatens
To open
And engulf us
Into
The ravine
Of disharmony
Never
Intending
To set us
Free

Like fragile
Crystal
Breakable
To the touch
We shiver
And we
Wait
In fine
Correspondence
To the lines
Of equipoise
Stability
And steadiness
Overrated
As equilibrium
Very slowly
Is shattered
In the reach
Of opposition's
Almighty
And impenetrable
Hands

ButterflyInReverse
New Member

since 2002-12-20

Posts 3

1 posted 2003-01-17 03:57 PM

wow...this was really vivid, really nice write. the words that you used were so...descriptive and just...i don't know what to say. the only comment that i'd have to make is that although i liked the format a lot, it did throw off the flow and rhythm a bit. anyways, other than that, great job, i look forward to seeing more from you in the future.

IndigoEve
Member

since 2003-01-10

Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time

2 posted 2003-01-18 11:01 AM

Thank you.....I was experimenting with new styles and everything. Maybe this one isn't the "right one" i have been loking for....

I promise to post more soon!

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member

since 2002-05-22

Posts 1667
New York

3 posted 2003-01-18 01:23 PM

i like this a lot

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2003-01-18 02:36 PM

Smashing piece here, my lil' newbie!

I'm very impressed. I might have formatted it differently, putting more words on single lines, so the flow was more natural, but the piece is fantastic.

Religious conotations, right?

Some interesting word choices... were they natural to write or found?

I like them either way.

~Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2003-01-18 02:37 PM

By the way, I love your member name.

~Titus

IndigoEve
Member

since 2003-01-10

Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time

6 posted 2003-01-18 04:14 PM

They were all naturally found, there isnt even another way for me to write...i try not to use the thesarus that often anyway. It makes me become dependent. Religious connotation.....it could be something like that. I am not quite sure what to get out of this, but I guess you can interpret it in any way you choose.

glad you liked it! I'll be rollin' on outta here now.......

And thanks for the comment on my username! This, I think, was the title of one of my older poems...hmmm. don't quite remember. either way, i appreciate it!

[This message has been edited by IndigoEve (01-18-2003 04:16 PM).]

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

7 posted 2003-07-01 01:36 PM

i have been going through some of your eariler posts and came across this poem...i absolutly love it...very vivid, great use of words...i very much looking forward to all your new posts...

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