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EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

0 posted 2003-01-10 05:52 PM

You sit on a cushion made of red satin
And stare up at me on my podium.
We're outdoors.
It's snowing.

Dark, leafless trees thrust upwards
High up into the blinding white sky.
Streaks of white powder line the branches.

Listen.
Strain your ears and you may hear
The tinkle of flakes falling
Like shattered glass.

And up here, I watch them.
I watch them fall, spin, dance.
I dance with them.

I echo their dance, their cold kisses
Lightly touching your face
Sticking to your eyelashes.

My pale, goose-pimpled arms
Become pure white and sparkling.
They reach out for you.

And you stand up, frost-coated.
You climb towards me.
We dance together on the podium
And stare at that blood-red square
Below us.

OK, I tried to write a love poem, but, as per usual, it's gone horribly pear-shaped. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma"

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

1 posted 2003-01-10 06:29 PM

Actually, I liked this poem, it was kinda neat! It isn't too much of a love poem though! I like how you talk about the snow....although I don't like snow much because I live in it...it is pretty though! Okay, I'm rambling! Good poem!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

2 posted 2003-01-11 05:59 PM

I love snow! We don't get a lot of it here in Devon though, we get more than our fair share of rain instead.

So I don't know where this came from.....
Ellie

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma"

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2003-01-11 09:20 PM

I liked the poem, very different. The imagery (I don't know how to spell that) was good. Pear-shaped, hah! That's funny.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2003-01-15 01:09 AM

Eleanor~
I LOVE this piece...absolutely beautiful.
You've done an excellent job on this and
have included some wonderful imagery.
I especially enjoyed this part...

   "Listen.
    Strain your ears and you may hear
    The tinkle of flakes falling
    Like shattered glass.

    And up here, I watch them.
    I watch them fall, spin, dance.
    I dance with them."

Those lines just put a huge smile on my face.
Definitely one of my favorites from you, Eleanor.
Beautifully done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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