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Teen Poetry #6

No Title as yet

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

0 posted 2003-01-07 09:43 AM

First of all I want to say that what I am writing about in this poem did not happen to me, but I know people it has happened to. I wrote this poem yesterday... because sometimes you just get inspired and have to write what comes to mind. So, with that said, go ahead and read!
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Suspicions lurking in your eyes
There's something that you're trying to hide
Every moment you spend with me,
Seems so much less carefree.
You're jumpy and uptight
Always likely to start a fight
Something's wrong, I can tell.
You just told me to "Go to he**"
What did I do wrong?
You've been like this for so long.
You hit me just to see me cry,
Sometimes I think, you want to say "Good-bye"
But for some reason you stick around,
And you can be kind, when I don't make a sound.
When you come near,
My heart pounds in fear
Of what you'd do next
If I made you my ex!
So, I stay with you
For fear of what you'd do
And so this endless cycle doesn't end
And so every night my wounds I will tend.
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I really can't think of a title for this.. I would be truly greatful if you could help me out with this. And I want your real opinions on this poem... tell me where it may have gone wrong or where it doesn't seem right... I really want to improve this to make it a good poem. Thanks!

jeffwillett
Member

since 2003-01-04

Posts 86
Texas, US

1 posted 2003-01-07 06:59 PM

that situations sounds terrible but i do like this poem

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

2 posted 2003-01-07 08:18 PM

I like that you made an attempt to understand something that has not happened to you. I don't feel that this poem necessarily portrayed just how traumatic and intense it is to be in that situation, but that doesn't make it a bad poem. I thought it was good that you showed the self-doubt, confusion, and fear in the character. Well done.

- Jaime

And she said, I thought I'd never see me again.

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