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HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

0 posted 2003-01-04 11:44 PM

Well, we'll take another hiatus from my current task, posting all the poems I've written in the past year, and post what I wrote tonight. I'm half concious and depressed enough to get drunk, but to strong and stubborn in my morals to do so. Yet although not drunk, I'm no where near the best state of mind. Despite that, I'll try to make this make sense, but, well, you know how it goes.
*******************************************************

Yet another year gone by,
but it's all so fresh in my mind.
So I'm looking back in my minds eye;
looking at all I've left behind.

Sticky tears flow from my eyes,
born from everything that could have been.
Another dream now falls and dies;
killed by the dismal future that I'm in.

Dreams of futures I wish had been;
futures that would've made me whole,
lie beneath my tattered skin,
mocking me and killing my soul.

Yet after all I've been through,
as I stand here, worn and battered,
I settle on a memory of you:
a picture of us, torn and tattered.

Slowly now, my mind turns back,
visions of you flashing through my head,
to a time when my heart, not cold and black,
was still warm and a lively red.

It is in this memory I die,
unable to overcome the pain.
Outside my mind I cry,
and look in the mirror with disdain.

Watching my face as I cry,
knowing that forever my time I'll bide,
unable to admit, no matter how hard I try,
that you'll never again be by my side.

"You can't hurt meee!! 'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2003-01-04 11:51 PM

Definitely my favorite by you. Love this:

"Sticky tears flow from my eyes,
born from everything that could have been.
Another dream now falls and dies;
killed by the dismal future that I'm in."

as well as the last stanza. You're wording in this one was amazing and I like the metaphors you used... the way you connect dreams and just everything... it's really good. I also particularly like the term "sticky tears". It's good without seeming corny. Nice write, I hope to see more like this from you.

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

2 posted 2003-01-05 12:04 PM

LoL...He even replied to mine. Too funny.

Now, for your poem.
Tres tres beau! Tres parfait! I love the rhyme. I love it all.(I already told you that I can't put my thoughts into words...)I really like the last stanza and I don't know, it was just great! Lol. Great job...I'll be reading more...another night..I'm wiped. Again, nice job....

*Mistakes are made, you pay for them, then you do it again.*
~*~Love doesn't make the world go 'round, it just makes the ride worthwhile~*~

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

3 posted 2003-01-05 12:46 PM

"Slowly now, my mind turns back,
visions of you flashing through my head,
to a time when my heart, not cold and black,
was still warm and a lively red."

I had a hard time picking out which stanza i liked best but i found this one...nice work.

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

4 posted 2003-01-05 02:45 AM

Wow! I've only been a member for a little while so I haven't read a lot of your poems yet but WOW! This one is definitly my favorite! You have such a great way with words...you create the best pictures in the mind. I just...wow!

Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love)
~Bella~

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

5 posted 2003-01-05 06:38 PM

I really loved this, it was easily relatable for me and provided great visuals, excellent write.

Smoothy
Member

since 2002-12-02

Posts 119
The dark side of the moon

6 posted 2003-01-05 07:23 PM

I really don't know how to reply to this one. It seems to be the same as the rest, but that's probably because I know who the inspiration is. Good as usual.

P.S.- Don't worry about the Llurgoyf, the Spore Frog has things under control.

Love conquers all, so I must be in a losing battle.

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

7 posted 2003-01-06 05:09 PM

I really like this poem, it says alot! Good Writing! GREAT talent.

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

8 posted 2003-01-11 07:45 PM

HopelessRomanticGuy~
This is such a tender and heartfelt write.
You've done an excellent job of expressing
these painful emotions.
I especially enjoyed this...

   "Yet after all I've been through,
    as I stand here, worn and battered,
    I settle on a memory of you:
    a picture of us, torn and tattered."

Just beautiful and so perfectly said.
Very nicely penned.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

rxyfxy04
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 54
lil' town in Virginia

9 posted 2003-01-12 05:42 PM

i have to say that i love ur rhyming.. it flows so good and nothing is forced.. and about this peomm.. very good emotions being expressed... keep it up.

RxyFxy04

Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

10 posted 2003-01-12 08:25 PM

this poem was great. Alot of us feel like this at times. and I feel that you expressed the emotion in this poem quiet well.

~*Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same, I still remember how you kept me so afraid, Strength is my mother for all the love she gave*~

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

11 posted 2003-01-12 09:58 PM

I love it!
*Allison*

"O My love
Please don`t cry
I`ll wash my bloody hands
And well start a new life"
-Good Charlotte

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