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Teen Poetry #6

Spinning in my mind.

NeverSayDie
Junior Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 39
Duluth, MN & Grand Forks ND

0 posted 2002-09-26 01:14 AM

Round and round
my thoughts do race.

Of times with you
your smiling face.

But always the time
must come to an end.

And off I go
far from you again.

To wait a week
to see your face.

Then to leave again
Its like a race.

Im going in circles
not just in my mind.

But each time sadly
I leave you behind.

I hope that this cycle will end
with you and me together in the end.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

1 posted 2002-09-26 02:40 AM

i can't critique it right now because i'm not in the right frame of mind.

i'm nursing a broken heart, so the words just cut a little deeper.

good write.

/jen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-09-26 03:19 PM

My heart is fine. But I can't critique this because it's too simple, doesn't have enough content for critique.

That's not a bad thing, it just doesn't give me any room. I liked the hints of meter in here, to help it flow better.

Not bad at all.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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