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metryxx
New Member

since 2002-09-25

Posts 2

0 posted 2002-09-25 11:15 PM

Your like a star you shine for years on end.. it's just like a star only years from now will people see your gorgeous smile, your natural beauty.. But one thing about you not lie the stars in the sky you will never burn out and die.. you will shine on forever.... forever in my heart!

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

1 posted 2002-09-26 12:27 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

I hope you enjoy this special place. Again, I welcome you to Passions for Poetry. If you have any questions, pls don't hesitate to e-mail anyone of the forum moderators.

back to the poem....
it is really sweet
but, I'd do it this way

Your like a star
You shine for years on end.
It's just like a star
only years from now will people see
your gorgeous smile,
your natural beauty...

But one thing about you,
not like the stars in the sky,
you will never burn out and die..
You will shine on forever....
FOREVER IN MY HEART!!!

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

[This message has been edited by Acies (09-26-2002 12:27 PM).]

metryxx
New Member

since 2002-09-25

Posts 2

2 posted 2002-09-26 07:49 PM

Thank you!

I will try that way next time... I don't think there could be a next time anyway... I'm not any good at writing.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-09-30 01:44 AM

I agree with Acire... do it that way.

Formatting and line breaks are a must. If you really think you suck at writing and want to be able to grow, you can get a lot of helpful tips from the more refined poets in here by using a critique message with your poetry.

You can add that in your profile in the member's area, if you want people to be able to critique your stuff.

At any rate, welcome to Passions. Have fun reading, replying, and sharing with all of us.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Chloey
Member

since 2002-09-29

Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

4 posted 2002-09-30 07:47 AM

I also agree w/ them it is a beautiful poem but they're right formatting is the key it is a great poem and i thiink you should try again just write what comes from the heart to the mind!!!!

East to the Ocean
West to the Sand
Death to the Biz-atch
That touches my man

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

5 posted 2002-09-30 08:01 AM

Ahh...don't you know the pattern continues, even if you think you are the worst writer in the world, you can improve greatly by being here....there are a lot of poets to learn from here and some of them are quite good. Working to earn praise for a poem is hard but fun at the same time. And you get to watch people grow as well. Enough rattling on, back to the poem...this was beautiful, the format, as everyone else has said, can make the difference in a poem, so change the format and you have got a pretty poem.........

Missy Ri

~*Theres a sparkle in your eye that only i see, and theres a place in your heart where only i wanna be*~

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