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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2003-01-02 07:24 PM

she sits there, tears in her eyes,
looking at the rings on her fingers.
Promised. He promised.
Has he forgotten? She feels forgotten
lost in the mess, like a lima bean
stuck in a bag of potatoes.
Never be promised, she says,
twirling the ring around her finger,
its like happiness in a mud puddle
and she's drowning.
so far stuck that she can't reach out
quicksand hearts can't be fought with.
Promise you love me more... please.
promise i'm the prettiest one.... please.
Promise to love me forever, she cries,
but never be promised.

there shall be more later, I'm just too depressed to write right now.

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

[This message has been edited by Allysa (01-02-2003 09:46 PM).]

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

1 posted 2003-01-02 07:31 PM

....oh..this is deep, real deep..I am sorry you that this is happening.. hope you feel better

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

2 posted 2003-01-02 07:49 PM

HEY THAT WAS SHORT AND VERY PRECISE.but real sad.i ope by now u feel much better.dont worry, troubles dont last 4eva,it's always better in the morning.and i'm sure he loves u to put a ring on ur finger.never lose hope in love.sorry if i over interpreted this.

**Only the wise can dance to the melody of life**

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

3 posted 2003-01-02 08:01 PM

This was so great. I am sorry about what happened and I hope things get better.You write so well and you are very talented. Keep up your awesome and beautiful work!
*Allison*

"O My love
Please don`t cry
I`ll wash my bloody hands
And well start a new life"
-Good Charlotte

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

4 posted 2003-01-02 08:10 PM

this is good write. Don't be worry too much when the blues will go away, before you know about it another angel will be descented to earth for you

Sweet dreams, keep faith up!

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2003-01-06 11:05 AM

Love the lima bean in a sack of potatoes line. Awesome, really.

The transition from poem to plea is also well-done... if you're going to add to this one like you say, I guess I'll have to keep checking back.

Parasite

It's amazing the effect ice can have on the world.
~Allysa

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

6 posted 2003-01-06 06:19 PM

That was a really good poem, I could relate to it very well. Wonderful wording. Im sorry your depressed, If you ever just need to vent at someone, Im good at that, you can email me.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

7 posted 2003-01-06 06:43 PM

Very nice poem! It makes me wanna cry! You poor girl..

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

8 posted 2003-01-06 07:59 PM

Very Very good... All good poems create feelings in the reader... which this does extremely well.. Unfortunately, it's not a feeling anyone seeks... I'm sorry you've fallen into it.

I too love the Lima Bean line.

lonelyone2032
Junior Member

since 2002-11-17

Posts 13

9 posted 2003-01-06 09:21 PM

good write!keep holding on though. i know u can make it through if u just stay strong. much luv, Ash

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