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Teen Poetry #6
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Dying
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Dying |
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CloudedDreams Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210My Fantasy Realm |
My face radiates a smile but truly I am lying Though my appearance looks alive inside I am dying I've supressed my anger and frustrations Letting people go And how messed up they left me is what they'll never know I've let myself get run over and left far behind But when others ask a favor I can't help but be kind So all this negatism brews within my heart Soon the cauldron spills over And I begin to fall apart So as you se me laugh And be as happy as one can seem You will never know The rotting dying soul in me (P.S. this is my 200th post..Yay!) [This message has been edited by CloudedDreams (01-02-2003 02:59 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Eliza K. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Stinky Twinkie Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204Dinwiddie |
This was pretty darn good. Good flow, good word selection. I enjoyed reading it. -Stinky Twinkie- |
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sexbaby4545 New Member
since 2003-01-02
Posts 5 |
youur poem "dying" really touched me.that is a really wonderful poems i somtimes feel exactly like that your a very talented writer |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
I can sooo relate to that it's scarey. Good poem, I really really liked it alot. Yay for you! WinterWren |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
this waz good i like the whole rhyming thing (LOL) yea the rhymes fit together really well. ###CATHY### "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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mindy Junior Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 34VA, US |
I love this poem...It flows really welll...and it has and extreme amount of emotion...I can definitely relate to this poem. |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
I won't even try to count the number of times I've felt that same way, the number would be much to long, if there is such a beast. I keep way to much inside as well... it really isn't a healthy habit, but those of us who do it know how hard it is to let go of it all. This poem expressed how it all feels very well. You should be very happy with this poem, for it realy is VERY good. *~Rich~* "You can't hurt meee!! 'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!" |
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Honey Member
since 2001-10-09
Posts 92Hot girl From Canada |
beautiful write. it reminds me of me congrats on your 200th post! It Feels As If I've Always Been Someone On The Outside Looking In. |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
All I can say is wow!! well not really I have a lot more to say! That poem had so much emotion in it! It was great I keep things bottled up inside too it's not healthy at all but that's what poems are for right? Keep writing this was an amazing poem and shows you have lots of talent. Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love) |
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
You are going to be famous? Hmm, I would definitely bet on that. I love your work, and this was my favorite. Nice JOB! and congrats on the 200th post! |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I really enjoyed this. The only suggestion I have would be to make the rhythm a little smoother is some places, because it may sound a little forced. But it still works really well. Nicely done! |
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jeffwillett Member
since 2003-01-04
Posts 86Texas, US |
the flow is actually very nice, although there was one instence were it was kinda sorta inversed...a very good poem though! |
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