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PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

0 posted 2002-12-30 03:02 PM

     A bird pecks for food
     while a boy dies in Harlem.
     Chance, confusion, conformity.
     I am, searching for what I see.

     Lets be honest, dear one.
     You could die now. I could pass later.
     Betrayal, brainwashing, battery.
     I trust you with my love.

     A chance memory soon to be had,
     a closet lover to be lost.
     Aching, appologies, arousal.
     Nothing closer to darkest layers.

     Will you remember me?
     A need not to be forgotten.
     Angry, bashful, cornered...
     what I am to you.

     Do not betray tomorrow.
     Love me now, always.
     If we talk again,
     those will be comforting tears.

     Abashed normalacy.

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2002-12-30 03:20 PM

I like this a lot, but I think

"Chance, confusion, conformity.
I am, searching for what I see."

should maybe not have the comma after "I am"... It just seemed to disturb the flow a little. Could just be me though. I really like this, it's an interesting way to write. Great originality in it.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2003-01-03 07:06 PM

Titus~
I'm liking this one lots.
There's much depth to this and I'm pretty
sure I've only touched the surface in my
understanding of it thus far.
BUT...I will definitely be reading this one
again...and again..and...
Very well penned, Ti.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

3 posted 2003-01-05 12:51 PM

"I'm not sure that I like the first stanza much, but I like the rest of the poem a lot."

[This message has been edited by Jaime (01-05-2003 12:51 AM).]

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2003-01-05 12:53 PM

Thank you.

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2003-01-05 12:55 PM

Memina, you're classic.

~Titus

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

6 posted 2003-01-05 12:57 PM

I try.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

7 posted 2003-01-05 12:59 PM

Keep doing so. Always.

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

8 posted 2003-01-05 12:50 PM

Very nice stuff...I'd take out the last line though (if it's part of the poem, and if it's just stating the title never mind me).

  ~Carly

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
   Old Time is still a-flying,
And this same flower that smiles to-day
   To-morrow will be dying."
                   Robert Herrick

[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (01-05-2003 12:51 PM).]

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

9 posted 2003-01-05 02:19 PM

I took the title from the last line. I thought it summed up the feeling I was writing of fairly well. I guess, with the line doing that, as well, the title may not be neccessary... Hmm.

~Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

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