A Rescue at Jack Rabbit Palace

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Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

0 posted 2002-12-27 02:50 PM

This is a narrative poem based on a TRUE STORY. The last stanza (or couplet, however you want to put it) is like a grandma bringing her groceries to her car. In other words, it could use some help.

A Rescue at Jack Rabbit Palace

Jack o’ lanterns spit fire at me from their toothless mouths.
I feel incredibly unsafe as I enter the Jack Rabbit Palace.
A dastardly beast popped up and said, “Hello, Dorito Jones.”
I responded, “You crooked-minded jackal, I have come for my Chalice.”

“You will not find your Chalice here, oh great Dorito!”
“Don’t be a rabble-rouser, jackal. What route shall I take?”
“Ok, go up this hallway, and through the second door on the left.”
“Thank you, Jackal. Here’s a cookie. And be good for goodness sakes!”

On I journeyed, through the hallway and I approached the door.
I knocked 364 times.  To my surprise there was no answer at all.
I waited for a few hours and there was nothing but silence.
So I was once again fully rested and I continued down the hall.

As I walked down the corridor, more flaming pumpkins flew at me.
I just ran past some, although, some others met my Louisville Slugger.
Then around one corner, I saw a beautiful woman that I knew.
It was my beloved Chalice, and I ran up and hugged her.

But now, we had to make a super-sized daring escape.
I threw some ugly pills at the pumpkins and danced across the floor.
I lit the walls on fire, and a piece of my hair caught the flames.
With no time to put it out, we raced to the door.

With my head aflame and with my sidekick, Chalice,
I rode my sheep away from Jack Rabbit Palace.

I think this is by far the longest poem I've ever written.  Any comments, suggestions, complaints are welcome.

-Stinky Twinkie-

[This message has been edited by Stinky Twinkie (12-27-2002 02:53 PM).]

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2002-12-27 02:58 PM

That must've hurt your knuckles to knock on the door like that. I unfortunately wouldn't know how to help with the last stanza because Im bad a fixing things. That just migh be one of my favorites of yours, I liked it alot.Course I can't think of one that I didn't like alot lol.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

2 posted 2002-12-27 05:53 PM

I always get a kick out of what you write...very funny! Great job, and I as well can't think of a way to help out ;(
So sorry
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

3 posted 2002-12-27 06:48 PM

My friend and I here read that aloud and find it mighty hilarious. I think it's absolutely perfect the way it is and I happen to like it (tho I've been partial to grandmothers?) and I think it needs a grand total of zero work. LEAVE IT BE! I like it very much. I'll be chuckling like a mad kangaroo until the night is through.

-othersideofthemirror

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

4 posted 2002-12-27 11:44 PM

Well I guess I wont change anything after all. Thanks for all the positive comments. I'm all out of things to say. Good night

-Stinky Twinkie-

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

5 posted 2002-12-28 12:44 PM

Hmm my only question is what on earth is that lady doing there?

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

6 posted 2002-12-28 02:29 PM

haha I dont know. I just thought I'd throw her in for good measure. Or, if you want to be imaginative, she is women that is rescued in the poem.

-Stinky Twinkie-

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

7 posted 2002-12-28 02:46 PM

LOL good job... I don't like your taste in females though...lol j/k

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

8 posted 2002-12-28 03:29 PM

Thats ok, I'm not too crazy about my taste in females right now either....haha.

-Stinky Twinkie-

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

9 posted 2002-12-28 05:27 PM

by the way, Stinky Twinkie... can I e-mail you?

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

10 posted 2002-12-28 06:00 PM

sure. just no threatening messages please.

-Stinky Twinkie-

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

11 posted 2002-12-28 07:25 PM

Hah Stinky Twinkie you say that as if it has happened before...

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

12 posted 2002-12-28 07:38 PM

naw. It really hasn't. I just thought that maybe CloudedDreams had a bone to pick or something. I dont have anything else to say so I'll shut up.

-Stinky Twinkie-

Smoothy
Member

since 2002-12-02

Posts 119
The dark side of the moon

13 posted 2002-12-28 08:06 PM

Wow... just wow.

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

14 posted 2002-12-28 08:14 PM

Now, Stinky, Why would I have something against you...?

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

15 posted 2002-12-28 08:29 PM

beats me.......

-Stinky Twinkie-

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