Teen Poetry #6 |
Breaking Free |
HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
The Flame burns deep inside heart yearns for wings to glide Chains bind wings to flesh Coils wind forming the mesh Heart beats soft and slow Great feats! in strength they grow Chains break unable to hold what strength it takes to break their gold Wings unfold fly to highest heights From dark and cold to the brightest lights Lights shining down from the golden sun Love shining down from my angel one ************************************************ Well, here's a first for me, I don't remember why I wrote this or when.All I know is a friend saw me do it and it's in my handwriting.I vaguely remember writing it.. well, it's almost 2 years old... Hope you enjoy it! [This message has been edited by HopelessRomanticGuy (12-23-2002 10:26 AM).] |
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© Copyright 2002 Richard H. Dikeman - All Rights Reserved | |||
CloudedDreams Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210My Fantasy Realm |
That is really, really pretty. I love the way the words rhyme and flow. Good Job! XD |
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Stinky Twinkie Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204Dinwiddie |
yeah, what CloudedDreams said ^^^^ |
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FireInYourEyes New Member
since 2002-12-20
Posts 9 |
hey-i really enjoyed the metaphors that you used in this poem. the idea is really nice and it has a great flow. as for criticism, one thing that really distracted me as I was reading it was the "!" in the 3rd stanza 3rd line. it drew away from the melancholy mood that i got from the poem. also, in the 4th stanza; "Chains break unable to hold what strength it takes to break their gold" the last line doesn't really fit with the flow. in general, this is a completely metaphorical and broad poem, and the addition of the word "gold" doesn't really work. maybe you could try using "mold", and that would still work with the rhyme scheme. also, the 4th and 5th stanzas have the same rhyme syllables "hold, gold, unfold, cold". i felt it kind of threw off the rhythm, but that could just be me. and finally (sorry!!!!), instead of saying "from my angel one" in the last line, how about "from my angelic one". sorry if it sounded like i was ripping the poem apart, but truthfully, i really liked it. i look forward to reading more of your writing! |
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roxywrestlegirl04 Member
since 2002-10-29
Posts 74good ole DINWIDDIE |
that was a GREAT poem....i loved it!! i didnt think guys could rite poetry like this!! good job...keep it up!! LIZ live,love,and die...but take RISKS..thatz what makes life worth the living, love worth the heartache,and death the new beginning! |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
Hey this was really great! I always enjoy your poems. They are writen so well.Good job on this one..and I hope to see more soon! *Allison* "O My love |
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Rainbowdust Member
since 2002-12-05
Posts 320Sydney, Australia |
I've got a new fave poem from ya Rich.. this was beautiful and vivid and unforgettable. Great work! The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears. |
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