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Teen Poetry #6

Alone, Cold, and Dark

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

0 posted 2003-06-11 10:34 PM

I think I could make this a little longer...Tell me what ya think!

Sitting, looking out the stained window,
The shor is an ancient death,
Left solely alone,
Never to be graced once more,
Alone, Cold, and Dark,
The sun drowns itself in gloom,
Washing away the happiness that existed long ago,
Fog creeps over the mirthless waves,
Abandoned to be secluded,
Alone, Cold, and Dark.

"If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing badly." -Gustav Holst

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

1 posted 2003-06-11 10:47 PM

You just read this to me tonight over the phone...but I'd love to read it a million times over again!!! I love this! I love all of your writing, Jess. You definitely have talent. Nice work...this is a beautiful poem!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

2 posted 2003-06-11 11:08 PM

Nope, the only added length this needs is the "e" on "shore"......it's perfect the way it is, and carries the atmosphere beautifully all the way down.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

3 posted 2003-06-12 02:17 PM

Haha! I need to learn to revise my work before I post it...!

Thank you so much! I think this is one of my best writings!

"If a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing badly." -Gustav Holst

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