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Teen Poetry #6

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DragonFang
Senior Member

since 2000-03-09

Posts 522
Missouri, USA

0 posted 2002-09-24 06:37 PM

As Dawn rises
Shadow cries
Darkling day
But Night will stay

All Sun's might
Leaves the world as dark as night
Forgotten are the happy times
Written down in happy rymes

Sun rides High
Shadows till are nigh
Tendrils of Light
Stay out of sight

Sun sinks Lower
Water runs slower
As time will tell
Nothing left but an empty well

http://www.heisen.net Peace Through War, it is beginning!

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

1 posted 2002-09-25 04:31 AM

an atmospheric piece, well done

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-09-26 03:00 PM

I think you should work on the title of the poem. The way you wrote it, there's a lot of mystery that could be expanded if you invested more time in the title.

Other than that, this is, indeed, a very atmospheric piece. I truly enjoyed the lamentations of time throughout. Very clever.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

DragonFang
Senior Member

since 2000-03-09

Posts 522
Missouri, USA

3 posted 2002-09-26 10:31 PM

Clever? Clever.. no, not clever. I just write. Think? Little. Just write, sometimes good, sometimes bad, oft times horrid. *shrugs* I am glad that you liked it though.

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