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roxywrestlegirl04
Member

since 2002-10-29

Posts 74
good ole DINWIDDIE

0 posted 2002-12-16 08:01 PM

Down on the sandy beach I wait for you.
As the beautiful waves with white snowcaps crash down
In front of me, there's nothing I can do
In you there's nothing wrong i have found

We met a long time ago,just as friends,
amidst all the confusion in my heart.
I never thought I'd want you in the end
You saved my world from being torn apart.

But now together we have to face facts,
friends or lovers together, will we be?
We have to fill in what the other lacks,
on this sunny beach forever, don't they see?

Friends forever, lovers together or not,
Friendships last forever because love weighs alot.

live,love,and die...but take RISKS..thatz what makes life worth the living, love worth the heartache,and death the new beginning!

rOxXbabY391
Member

since 2002-12-14

Posts 71

1 posted 2002-12-16 09:24 PM

Another good poem, not one of my favorites tho. I didn't think your lines went together as well like in the first stansa... (i think thats wat its called..LOL) but i stilll enjoyed reading it! :-D
~*~eMiLy~*~

"I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right.

Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

2 posted 2002-12-16 09:25 PM

well well well.....I see we have another poem about the beach, which isn't bad. I think this is a pretty "darn" good poem. One question though, (and I'm not trying to get smart with you) How do waves have snowcaps? just curious. Excellent job. I give you an A+.

-Stink Twinkie-

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-12-21 01:38 AM

roxywrestlegirl04~
I really enjoyed reading this piece.
You've done a great job of writing this
and have included some wonderful imagery.
I, for one, like the idea of referring to the
white of the breaking waves as 'snowcaps'.
Creates a nice image in my mind...nicely done.
I don't know if this is what you were shooting
for or not, but I was noticing that, with just a small
amount of changes in the syllable count of a few lines,
you'd have quite a beautiful sonnet here.
Several of your lines do have the correct syllable
count and meter. Only a few would need adjusting.
Just thought I'd point that out, in case that was
something you were interested in.
If you are, and would like some additional help with it,
feel free to e-mail me and I'd be happy to help you.
Over all, this is a VERY well written piece.
You are really impressing me with your talent.
Keep up the great work.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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