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Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

0 posted 2002-12-15 05:41 PM

Sometimes I cry for innocent lives lost,
For people caught between the greater good and the cost,
Sometimes I'm angry for children born,
To unloving parents, in countries war-torn
Sometimes I feel sorry for those who don't know,
How much lighter they'd feel, if they just let it go...
Sometimes I hate what we're doing to the earth
For that baby elephant, whose mother was shot after his birth,
Sometimes I feel frustrated, by a world that's unfair
And for those who fight against it, who will get nowhere.
Sometimes I ache for what can never be
And I feel the shackles of those who aren't free...
Sometimes I weep for a dead little bird,
Who sang with its soul, a song nobody heard
Sometimes I write, in the clouds, or the dirt
I dream and I laugh... and sometimes... I just hurt.

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

Avis
Junior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 38
Raleigh, NC, USA

1 posted 2002-12-15 06:25 PM

I loved this poem! My favorite lines were...

"Sometimes I feel sorry for those who don't know,
How much lighter they'd feel, if they just let it go..."

but the whole poem makes perfect sense and I feel sorry for all of those things, especially the environment and the birds. (I'm a bird lover with 3 cockatiels) Keep it up!!!

Peace and Love,
~KEV~

IM me at Tempus Vivo

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-12-16 12:03 PM

I really really like this

The flow was great, the rhyming didn't sound forced at all, and the message that I got was to the point

I do have one quick critique, though, and that's on the capitalization of every line. I think it would be easier to read, and would flow a little better if the lines that don't have a period before them weren't capitalized... *grins* you can email if I'm not making any sense, ok?

Rj

"it was cute, it was like he was shy and didn't want to make it too obvious"
~ Reena
I'm Rhondiforous!

LTEvans
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
Lenham, England

3 posted 2002-12-16 04:22 AM

"Sometimes I write, in the clouds, or the dirt
I dream and I laugh... and sometimes... I just hurt"

This has to be the best concluding lines I have seen in a long time.

As for the capitals... well we've all seen e.e cummings haven't we... so do not go too far! lol

Solipsism saves us from the atavism of the Equalitarian.

LTEvans

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2002-12-21 12:29 PM

Rainbowdust~
Sometimes, I read a poem that touches me
and I can't help but feel the words.
This is one of those times.
You've done an excellent job on this,
and your message comes through loud and clear.
Extremely well done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

5 posted 2002-12-21 12:42 PM

I loved this poem. Very heartfelt. I really enjoyed it. Keep it up!

*Allison*

"O My love
Please don`t cry
I`ll wash my bloody hands
And well start a new life"
-Good Charlotte

Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

6 posted 2002-12-21 01:41 AM

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply.. it means a lot to me.

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