Teen Poetry #6 |
The Taste of Silence |
Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
water shell tears fall into a blood pool on the ground a salty feeling covers me pain stings me as it seeps into the wound i can taste the air as a new rush follows through lay clinging onto the floor sharp claws digging in, holding me there it's the reason i am scared blue colors slow me down my breath shortens everything is getting faster ears ringing the tolls of years that life has been silenced to me denied it no longer the constant pull of tounge forcing me to speak words shine on some, drive pain into others i hang my head in shame and go back to silence for it is the only place i can find myself Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you...... |
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© Copyright 2002 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
rOxXbabY391 Member
since 2002-12-14
Posts 71 |
heyYy i really liked your poem "a salty feeling covers me pain stings me as it seeps into the wound" thats really good! :-D ~*~eMiLy~*~ |
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Rainbowdust Member
since 2002-12-05
Posts 320Sydney, Australia |
I thought this was beautifully crafted; I could feel every emotion through your words, and the ending was great. You're quickly becoming one of my favourite poets on here! The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I'll be back to this one, because I can't really comprehend anything that's more complex that "how do I love thee" type stuff right now. One thing that did catch my eye though (and this will be my only critique) is your tendency to not capitalize your 'i's. It's not that bad because you're pretty consistant with not capitalizing them, but that's just something that I thought I'd point out since it bugs the hell out of me. Do with it what you will though *grins* Rj "it was cute, it was like he was shy and didn't want to make it too obvious" |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
beautifully written riley. loved the imagery and tone of this. one of your better pieces i think. ^^ which isnt saying much because they're usually well written. but i like this one especially, even the title was well thought out. this line really stuck out to me: quote: this is in my library dear. great write. “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Riley~ This is quite a powerful piece...much to absorb here. I've read this a few times now and not sure that I fully understand the intended meaning, but that's ok. I like poems that get my attention and make me think, and this one definately did that. VERY nicely done. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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