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Teen Poetry #6
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Snake Puppet
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Snake Puppet |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571
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Coiled up in this realm Waiting for my cue You play the first note And the lid to my dwelling pops off Revealing my dancing soul Slithering up to the sky I seem in a trance As my decieving body waves Lips grace the sky You stop your playing Slowly I retreat to my home And wait for the next show "Sorry I`m not home right now. I`m walkin in the spiderwebs so leave a message and I`ll call you back." [This message has been edited by devinechild22 (12-14-2002 08:39 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allison Colgrove - All Rights Reserved | |||
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
this was good even tho snakez scare me lol but this didnt "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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xxxnuttyangelxxx Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 72New York |
This was very well written.. good job shea |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i liked this. perhaps a little proofreading might help. but it was a good write nontheless. thanks for sharing. /jen/ 'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.' [radiohead] |
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dinky Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258 |
hey, this was really good! i liked it ~samantha~ "sometimes i just feel like |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I'd have to say this is one of your best so far. I love the extended metaphor, how you never directly alluded to its meaning keeps an air of mystery about it. You also worded this well and did a good job avoiding cliches and repeating words too many times. I like some of your word choices, like "decieving body..." thought that one was especially creative. Very good work, Allison. I'd like to see more of this sort of poem from you. Parasite It's amazing the effect ice can have on the world. |
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