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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2002-08-28 09:54 PM

Sun Down

sittin’ on the edge of day
sun glinting off windows
of city’s shops trimming blocks
sky fading its blue away
as rose rises a western glow

©August 2002
Do you think this can/should stand alone?
This was written while I sat in the middle of Main Street during a "Friday Night Alive" concert. More happened, of course, but at the time I wasn't inspired to write more. Now I wonder if I should go ahead and include the music and the feel it gave, or leave well enough alone.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

1 posted 2002-08-28 10:01 PM

Cold hands means a warm heart

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

2 posted 2002-08-28 11:42 PM

this is a really nice poem.short but to the point.i really enjoyed it.

allison

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2002-08-28 11:48 PM

(smiles) Oh my gosh, I love this just the way it is, but if you do want to add the music maybe you can just say the instruments you heard and add verbs or adjectives of how they enticed you! (big hugggsssss) This is gorgeous, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Virginia, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

4 posted 2002-08-28 11:53 PM

I do think it stands alone, Virginia...
It is a lovely piece...
but you might try to spice it up with the music and just see what you get from it...
In the end, you might decide to leave it as it is...
I always fool around endlessly with my poems.
I have whole notebooks with just 5 or 6 poems in them because I write them over and over in so many different ways...

~ hugs and grins

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2002-08-29 01:01 AM

I concur with all the comments above.
---sweet and simple. A moment in time.

Love, Light & Laughter
Linda

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