When The Time Is Right - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

0 posted 2002-08-22 10:13 PM

When The Time Is Right
~By Sue~

With each new sunrise
Brings a brand new day
With hopes of a new beginning
Different than yesterday

True there may be struggles
Life isn't always easy
When you are on your own
Still, I will make it, you see

I have lived out on my own
Long before I ever came here
So I know it won't be easy
But, it is nothing that I fear

It may take a little while
To get back up on my feet
This is something I will do
I will never accept defeat

And, when the time is right
I might find a love that's true
Until that time does come
There are other things I must do

8-21-02

mycafe
Senior Member

since 2002-05-23

Posts 584

1 posted 2002-08-22 10:21 PM

Bravo!! Sue, you are strong lady and you keep moving! *hugs*

mycafe

Keep counting your blessings

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2002-08-22 10:30 PM

A very fine piece with a strong voice of positive emotion.  The only thing I noticed were a couple places where the syllable count was off. So I will show what I sugges removing with [ ] around it and what to add with { } around that.  These are suggestions and you can likely come up with some you like better.

With each new sunrise
                                                             [Brings]{Comes} a brand new day
                                                          With hope [of] a new beginning
                                                            Different than yesterday

                                                           True there may be struggles
                                                             Life isn't always easy
                                                           When you are on your own
                                                           [Still,] I[ wi]{'}ll make it, you{'ll} see

                                                           I have lived out on my own
                                                          Long before I ever came here
                                                            So I know it won't be easy
                                                            But, it{'}[ i]s nothing [that] I fear

                                                             It may take a little while
                                                            To get back [up] on my feet
                                                            This is something I will do
                                                            I[ wi]{'}ll n{ot}[ever] accept defeat

                                                           And, when the time is right
                                                           I might find a love that's true
                                                            Until that time does come
                                                         There are other things[ I must]{to} do

                                                                   8-21-02

I hope that's understandable. Save your original, write with the suggestions, read it aloud, say about 3 times, if you don't like it, toss it.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2002-08-22 10:38 PM

Wonderful Sue!
~Hugs sweetie~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
So you won't ever forget me ~

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2002-08-22 10:44 PM

(big hugggssssss) Oh Sue, we are all sooooo proud of you, you are a true warrior woman and I know with such this hope you have you will only grow stronger and richer in love as always and you will find the love you deserve! (sigh) We are all rooting for you, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sue, thank you for sharing!