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Dead car
| Open Poetry #22 |
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Dead car |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Here's an older poem of mine I really like, and have never posted before. Mike Dead car Strike your faint shadow on the bridge's closest wall. In the moving air we huddle, sad and small. Strike a match twice, bring it your lips. Inhale deeply and make a glowing flickertip. The light makes orange letters whenever your face falls. Just breathe yr smoke -- don't spell it out; make no rescue calls. We don't dance like rock stars next to our dead car. Quiet noises echo, roaring, above and afar. The street says words to your heels, the hem of your skirt-print. We're almost out of love; though this was our longest stint. Signal clicks in rhythm like a wound-up closeby clock. At the tick you snub it, snowing ashes at the tock. As patterns seem to form |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
We don't dance like rock stars next to our dead car. Quiet noises echo, roaring, above and afar. The street says words to your heels, the hem of your skirt-print. We're almost out of love; though this was our longest stint. Great lines here, Mike. I really like this. Damn, reminds me I was supposed to take my car to the shop this morning! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
 You too, huh? Thanks, Duncan. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
I like the whole poem, of course, but the lines Duncan picked out stood out to me, too! Great job squirrel! Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
Can I dance like a rock star next to my dead car? Please? I really wanna.  I can dance like Robert Smith! Oh, he's not a rock star.... Um....This is so a song.  In fact, I may someday make it that, if I ever remember that I have just said that I would. If that made any sense. Love you, baby o' mine. i'll be waiting for you |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Glad you both enjoyed. And Lori, Robert Smith *is* a star.   I love you, silly. |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
And he's a god. But my point is, he's not a rock star. He wears makeup and he's angsty, sure, but he doesn't scream. Besides, his hair's cooler than any rock star's. And he's more adorable than any rock star.Anyway, rock stars are people everyone knows by name, like Mick Jagger and Steve Tyler. Not saying star means good all the time, but star means success in vast enough amounts for everyone t' know who you are... So he's a goth star, 'cause everyone with even a goth friend knows who Robert Smith is. i'll be waiting for you |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
Great work....enjoyed! DeaDiAmore |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Can he sell out an arena? Okay then, he's an international rock star. Glad you enjoyed, DDA. |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Signal clicks in rhythm like a wound-up closeby clock. At the tick you snub it, snowing ashes at the tock. I love the interesting way in which you use these words, Mr. Squirrel... esp..."snowing ashes at the tock" I wish I could write as well as you do...  ~ admiring rodent hugsLyra |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
You do, Lyra! |
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