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Open Poetry #22
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In Heart Confide
| Open Poetry #22 |
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In Heart Confide |
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Magician Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 126 |
In heart confide Between and betide Another lonely day Where thoughts reside Of emotion implied Long held in fragile sway Letting loose the strings Those most glorious things Changes underway From princes to kings The gift-giver brings The queen of May Within purged clean soul Someone else in control Laughing as they play Where once they stole Now filling all the holes With fervent pray Only in heart confide An all encompassing pride Once gone astray The righteous paths denied And no better tricks are tried To begin another day (Thanks to a very welcome coffee break) |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Like the form and the shape of this piece. I'm thinking one line could have a better feel to it with just a slight adjustment, just something to consider. The line: "With fervent pray" In order to keep with the rhyme scheme and with grammar constricts, perhaps: "Fervently pray" Try it on, keep or toss the idea and know I am hoping you don't mind me making a suggestion. I too am glad you had your coffee break and this piece is what came of it.  Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Ooohhh...this is wonderful, you always have so much to say and you express the deep parts of the heart and soul so well! (big hugggssssss) This is excellent, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Magician, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
OMG!! You did this on a coffee break?? Very nice rhyme scheme here... Enjoyed the read....very much! ~Hugs~ ~ Time has cast a spell on you |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Enjoyed reading this - well done. Chris Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You are most magical with this piece, good Sir...I particularly enjoy the format of this piece. I have not seen it before, to my knowledge, but would encompass it myself, it is warm, friendly, and has a sing-song quality... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
we need to have a coffee break together, LOL |
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mycafe Senior Member
since 2002-05-23
Posts 584 |
Wow, this is a magnificent piece! mycafe Keep counting your blessings |
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Furie Junior Member
since 2002-06-17
Posts 39Myriad of Unkown Places |
Must have been some awesome coffee. |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
A gentle sway of words well written. Definately an "up for air" moment. ThisDiamond |
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