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bbent
Senior Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 521
Alaska

0 posted 2002-10-09 02:18 AM

Expect not,resent not,
you wern’t put here to please me.
For everything there is a price,
peace of mind ain’t always free.
Change’s not always easy,
starts inside oneself.
When I can accept just what I am,
the’ll be no need to change all else.

Live like it's your last day...
Dance like nobody's watching...
Love like you've never been hurt...

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

1 posted 2002-10-09 08:14 AM

Except for a few minor changes,
This is rather good

Expect not, resent not,
you weren’t put here to please me.
For everything there is a price,
peace of mind is not always free.
Change is not always easy,
it starts inside one’s self.
When I can accept just what I am,
they’ll be no need to change all else.

I hope you don’t mind my minor corrections,
I left it intact as much as possible and didn’t change any meanings.
I think you might not have reread it before posting
And missed them in the hurry to post.

Gloom

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2002-10-09 08:46 AM

Very true and very nicely penned!
I liked Gloom's polish edit, and technically maybe that last line should read 'there will' instead of 'the'll'.....but there is no need to change a thing, as you've said, and it reads nicely outloud. I know, I read it outloud twice already. Think I'll go read it again.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

3 posted 2002-10-09 08:52 AM

Ray, a lot of good thoughts in just a few words. I loved it. Thanks for sharing.

Love and bes wishes to all,
Ethel

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

4 posted 2002-10-09 09:05 AM

For everything there is a price,
peace of mind ain’t always free.
Change’s not always easy,
starts inside oneself.

These words ring so very true.
Very in depth writing and I enjoyed
it immensley. Well done.

If I have touched one heart through my words, then I have acheived my dream...

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

5 posted 2002-10-09 01:05 PM

I really enjoyed your poem, although I must agree with Gloom the errors are a bit distracting. Other than that... great poem!

bbent
Senior Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 521
Alaska

6 posted 2002-10-09 05:57 PM

Thanks for the crit's...I truly considered using proper english but at the time I scribbled it I just wasn't in the mood.Consider the source.(lol)...Again thanks for taking the time to read and your thoughts.

Live like it's your last day...
Dance like nobody's watching...
Love like you've never been hurt...

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