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Open Poetry #22
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There Will Be None
| Open Poetry #22 |
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There Will Be None |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown 
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~ By Sue ~ He knew how much I love horses Promised he would get me one My hopes were really high So many times this is what he had done But, he wanted a different kind of horse Had heard of someone who had one His promise to me he pushed away For me there will be none I should have known he wouldn’t His promises to me he never did keep Still, he would want me to trust him Even after he would make me weep A painted horse is what I wanted Not a big old giant Belgium horse This is the story of my life He got what he wanted of course 10-5-02 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sue Graves - All Rights Reserved | |||
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Too often this is what can occur, being selfless when a big sacrifice is needed, is far from easy. Your poem is well done in showing your point of view and your voice. The stanza where you've rhymed keep and weep would have maybe seemed less forced rhyme if you put the phrases in usual order and rhymed kept and wept. i.e. "His promises to me were never kept" and then a line that would contain the rhythm and rhyme would probably settle better on the ear and mind. Enjoyed the read, but sorry for the sorrow in its message. Perhaps you can arrange to some day provide yourself with your dream horse...there doesn't have to be "none." Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
If I had a fairy wand, I'd wave it and in a blink of an eye, you would have your painted pony! P.S. Actually, I do have a fairy wand--next to my bed!--but it doesn't seem to work!--So I'm sending you an angel kiss and a prayer for your dream, to one day, come true! Linda |
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