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Open Poetry #22
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2002-10-04 02:14 AM


I knew the art
of eyeing thread
within the sliver of a dawn

I knew
the contrast
of silver--
slip o silk
and through--beyond...

I wish I'd write
a better play.
I wish I had
a better thread...
upon a spool of time...
spindled...
oiled by
the drop I bled.

I wish I were...
I wish me gone.
I wish I wish
a tide in song...
pieces of me
on the shore
add me to
collection
for?

I am just
a tide in rise...

I'm just the lace-loop
stitch--demised.

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (10-04-2002 02:16 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Radrook
Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648

1 posted 2002-10-04 02:27 AM


I liked this poem's musical qualities and the effective way it expreses deep emotion.


Your style reminds me a little of Sylvia Plath's. Is that a coincidence or have you read her a lot?

Thanks for sharing.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2002-10-04 02:47 AM


Plath?

We once shared a razor.

(bad joke)

thank you. ?

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

3 posted 2002-10-04 12:33 PM


"I'm Nobody! --
Who are you? --
Are you -- Nobody --
too?"

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
4 posted 2002-10-04 12:47 PM


This is beautifully done, Serenity.  I especially liked the meter that you used to ever-so-finely tweak the flow.  

I especially liked the image of the threads, and the use of the colour silver... "contrast of silver..." what contrasts with silver?  If you knew, then tell me.     I can't conjure anything that would contrast with silver.

You sure do like to make me think, don't you?  

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
5 posted 2002-10-04 01:05 PM


Beautifully written, Serenity, enjoyed reading!

~Tier

"I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..."

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
6 posted 2002-10-04 02:56 PM


Serenity,
Your lullaby made me sigh and your ending made me cry.

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
7 posted 2002-10-05 07:40 PM


This is aching and powerful write. Hugs,
You are more that  a “
I'm just the lace-loop
stitch--demised.”
Far more, Be well. K

El riesgo vive siempre!

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
8 posted 2002-10-05 08:48 PM


enjoyed
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
9 posted 2002-10-05 09:56 PM


Serenity blaze, Very good work. thanks for sharing. Best wishes...
            Ethel........garysgirl

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