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Open Poetry #22
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A Picture Of Us In The After Of Seperation
| Open Poetry #22 |
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A Picture Of Us In The After Of Seperation |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL 
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okies..this one is looooonnggg....Another peak, people..not a pity Jenn party campaign. This one needed to be written as well as the last one. Hope this is a step in dealing with something I haven't been able to deal with properly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ we're on the floor all the way down on knees that never bent before and stiff pride happens at the worst moments. we are beyond apologies for the past few years lost for the love offered and never taken in full. too many unattainable things linger in the distance and between the distance in that smallest place is the meeting point where our hands are supposed to come together in understanding. but oh the when of when that will happen escapes us for now as we try not to admit the extent of our pain trying to draw tolerance out of every forced conversation feeling the tension and the regret as it screams tangible from the line the thread that holds our voices together just barely. Our memories are echos of happiness had and sadness gained too soon. Giving up was hardest, you know finally standing up and saying I wasn't going with you this time and the goodbye damn the goodbye the one I couldn't shed tears for until you had closed the door because if I had looked into your imploring eyes and wet my face with my grief I would have stayed crumpled beneath the guilt of wanting you to go and would have clung to you like a lost vine but I would have been sucking and feeding on poison and you would have been in the clench of a vine feeding an addiction of the wrong sort and please forgive me since I couldn't bear to love you that way because you deserved so much better than someone who was too lost in life to know what they really wanted was lost too long ago. but here we are in a civil spot inside of us because we can't bear to part with a song of bitterness and hate. here we are and forcing conversations and tolerance may have been what we should have done before but its too late. Too many "I love you"s ago you crushed my open heart with a wall and since I built mine there is a slight space in between that we became stuck in suffocating in impatience and it smothered our love choked the last breath out of our togetherness. and I apologize and I'm so damn sorry that the tears won't come like they used to for this because I've been there too many times and can't afford to get a that kind of ticket again. I'm thinking my final gift will be my tears since I think you need to see them and I think I need to cry them and that way we can both be reassured that I can feel that you were loved at least once by me. I love you but I don't want you anymore because what we had is stale rotten platter of "too late" and its a sickening feeling to feel like the monster in all this but its my way of dealing with hurting you and my way of punishing myself for loosing my belief for giving up too long ago and for moving on with a determination and a certain coldness. I am not ice but I am harder now cleansed maybe of the naive tendencies I was always accused of. So thank you for all the affirmations the love the loss the pain the awakening the reality the sadness and the appreciation in the wake of a hard walk. This is one of the first goodbyes in words and the most raw so far. "two hearts will build the foundation for one point of light |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Jenn, Wish I'd had poetry back then. This is really, really good. No pity party found here. Real life faced head on. Wow...intense but so good. And it wasn't too long.  (Found a typo, I think: and can't afford to get a that kind of ticket again) Peace, love, hope and courage to you friend.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Janette
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843Chicagoland for now |
Goodbyes are so difficult to endure but this one needed to be said. Excellent outpouring of your soul, dear Lady. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Very few poets can pour out the heart and soul for others to feel as masterfully as you, dear friend. I felt every word, every line in this. Your final picture is of strength and resolve, an almost peaceful acceptance that allows you to move forward. Warm beating heart hugs to you. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Jenn, hearts suffocating in a weightless wall of old words. I'm glad, for you, that your heart is beating fast enough to upset the brick's accustomed places. "I wish an angel would fall from heaven and join me on the floor." -Tapping the Vein Charged writing; it feels like a eulogy more than a state to remain in. I'm glad. Keep writin' it out. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Temptress - I agree, you have faced life well. It's very difficult to go back in time, I believe one must forge ahead, as you have done in this write... BC |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I had to come back to read this again, a heartfelt emote masterfullly written. Not a word too long, either. |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Thank you for sharing. We pay a price for love and caring. Well written, we reap the benefits of the price you paid. SimplyGold |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
"Giving up was hardest, you know finally standing up and saying I wasn't going with you this time and the goodbye damn the goodbye the one I couldn't shed tears for until you had closed the door because if I had looked into your imploring eyes and wet my face with my grief I would have stayed" Jennifer, guilt it a terrible thing, but please keep in mind that you released him to find a better life and you set yourself free to do the same. This is the most powerful of all the poetry of yours I've read. I guess, because it's probably the most honest. Indeed, you ARE a poet, my dear friend. You take care of YOU, okay? *hugs* |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
damn...you do know know how to walk me to the jagged edges...cut my feet and let me cry huh? helen |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
*staring off out of window* ...yeah, I know... |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Dear Temptress, I was compelled to read this poem a second time, for the first time I was in a space that did not allow me to really see it. You have described a place that I have been so long ago. A place that is so familiar that it is still painful. I think that to leave someone is often times more painful then being the one who is left. Why, because when we love, we never let go of what we love, it is just that we evolve. When this happens we deny the change and refuse to accept that which has transformed and grown and so the pain begins. You have described this so well that it brought me back. Sometimes this pain is so unforgiving that we fail to try again. As time moves on I wonder if I can because, I question whether the price is too high. I can tell you that your pain is as turbulant as you allow your passion to be and that is what makes it worth while. Thank you for a lovely, but painful expression of the human condition.  SimplyGold [This message has been edited by SimplyGold (09-29-2002 10:37 AM).] |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
jen...this is so powerful to me...i think it needs a bump...hugs...helen |
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Moonlight Romeo
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982The heart of you |
The goodbye is always when. Thank you. What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) This is very emotionally powerful, sweet friend, and I hope now that that space in-between now has made home to a whole new love free of guilt and naivity! (sigh) Your words always speak on so many volumes and you truly are blessed among us all, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jennifer, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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