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Open Poetry #22
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The lover and the woman
| Open Poetry #22 |
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The lover and the woman |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
How do I tell you I love you? Should I whisper it to you softly, write it for you with the blood I bleed for you? Would you notice if I spelled it in rose petals, care if I promised you everything? Could you love me in return, you whose heart is hardened by another's folly? You should have never told me, nor admitted it to yourself. You are a fool to love me, who cannot love in return. If you whisper I will not hear, if you bleed I will not see. I hold roses in disdain, all of the rose, save the thorn. Everything you have would not move me to love you in return. My heart is hardened, will never be soft again. You are a fool to love me. I will never give you my love, but take my pity instead. I will not have your pity! Not unless it comes with your love. I beg you, do not swear to things of which you are not sure. If I could make your heart as tender as it was, would then you love me for my words, for my blood and roses? If my heart were tender, as tender as it was, I then might love you for your words. I would cry for blood you spilled, and move mountains to be by your side. I thank you for your answer, I take it to my heart, and one day when you are most lonely, your heart will soften of its own. On that day, be it days from now, or centuries, I will be waiting for you still. Then you will find me, no matter where you are, for I'll be always by your side. I thank you for your answer, but tell you once again, my heart is hard forever, and will not soften for you. But if one day my heart grows lonely, I will remember you, and perhaps may take a day or ten, to spend some time with you. . . . Hmm.. I don't know if I like this one. I was playing around, and I just wrote it to see if I could. Let me know what you think... Oh, and if anyone can think of a better title, I would be much obliged. I really dislike the one I have...  Just so you all know how special I am, this is the 2520th topic, and 26500th reply. Kielo I LOVE YOU! *kisses you* hehehe... [This message has been edited by Kielo (09-25-2002 03:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jeremiah Leonard - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Awesome Cold hands means a warm heart |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Call it Blood and roses. Actually, don't. Too much like Guns 'N' Roses. :p This is beautiful writing. A nice little masterpiece to start the afternoon rolling. Change not one word! (except the title  )Mike C'mon, baby, c'mon darling, |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Can't think of a title off hand, but I can say that I do like the piece. Keep playing around, and give us more!  ~Sheri |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Wow!! Now this I like! ~Hugs~ ~ Time has cast a spell on you |
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Miah Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062Pennsylvania |
Very good read thanks. |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Wow. I'm impressed. I didn't really like this piece. Of course, that could be because its a love poem, of sorts, and I generally dislike writing them. Of course, that's why I wrote it. To see if I could. *shakes head* I make no sense to myself. LOL... Thank you all! Kielo |
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Crysania Member
since 2002-09-21
Posts 67Lost in a dream. (Please don't wake!) |
Very good.....................I like it! Now, a title.............*thinks* When all else fails, have faith. Soon you'll realize that was all you really needed in the first place. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Kielo, This reminds me of an old traditional english song titled "Barbara Allen". ....And, this could easily be a song itself, with just minor changes. A title? No help. ~wranx In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward". |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Kielo, a much enjoyed piece. Much enjoyed. I loved the style, the feel of it, the length, the way it seemed to have passion while being so very detached... the flow seemed to me to stumble, from word to word, or line to line, but that's just me. Enjoyed, my friend. Sincerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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Paddy Member
since 2002-09-23
Posts 52Straya |
I enjoyed the read. Thanks! As for title, I'd take it from your lines. I don't see any better than 'Blood and Roses' but that sounds a bit cliché especially given 'Guns 'n Roses. Perhaps, 'Pity Love' or somesuch? I guess one becomes content with one’s poetry when one opens the book ten years hence and does NOT exclaim, “Did I really write this?” |
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Crysania Member
since 2002-09-21
Posts 67Lost in a dream. (Please don't wake!) |
Hmmmmmmmmmm...........*still thinking* Hey, I'm sick, I have spare time on my hands. I have a couple ideas, but I'm to shy to say them hear...they're not that good, anyhow. |
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Paddy Member
since 2002-09-23
Posts 52Straya |
Crysania Don't be shy but I guess everyone tells you that. Truth is, it's hard for many people to bare their deepest thoughts in a public forum, OK, except for the extroverts. The truth is, if you write your poetry for you then it is only you who you should expect to completely understand your work. But, in posting it, you may well find that some people might glean their own understanding. That is a good thing for them, but maybe not so good for you if that is the reason that you write poetry for that won't do much for your ego. What will give you the greatest thrill and boost to your ego is writing and reading your work and being able to say "I'm really so very proud of being able to put my thoughts into words that mean something to me," because, if you do not, those thoughts you will forget.  In making that decision, I found that I was completely open to critique because I don't care that others find fault with my work in the sense that it dents my ego but I do care that they see it as being perfect for them, so, I take heed knowing full well that I have already been successful, and it is an added bonus to me if my work can do the same for that person. So, please do not be shy. Please write and write and write, no matter how you might perceive others will accept or reject your work. You are welcome to email me. PS Sorry to interrupt the thread but I know of no other way to talk with peeps. I guess one becomes content with one’s poetry when one opens the book ten years hence and does NOT exclaim, “Did I really write this?” [This message has been edited by Paddy (09-27-2002 09:21 AM).] |
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Crysania Member
since 2002-09-21
Posts 67Lost in a dream. (Please don't wake!) |
Thanks, it's weird...I don't mind posting my poetry, I don't really care whether people like it or not, but when it comes to simple things like titles, I can't bring myself to post them, in case people don't like them. *sighs* I'm an odd person. |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Kielo, I liked this poem very much. I enjoyed the back and forth dialogue. The response aspect. Furthermore, I really like the title, even if you don't. It is enchanting sort of like "The Beauty and The Beast". Thanks for the great read, more, more. SimplyGold |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I hold roses in disdain, all of the rose, save the thorn. Um--have you been eavesdropping? I think this is amazing...you write the ghost bruises of two that have experienced the self-failings of a lifetime, Ki... simply remarkable. and? I always KNEW y'were special! |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
I don't eavesdrop. At least I try not to. I just don't like roses except for the thorn. *shrug* I think it has something to do with believing that love begets pain, and being far more partial to pain without love. Ignorance begets pain too. A funny story goes with that quote, but its really long. Anyway, I'm glad you think I'm special. Someone has to!Kielo [This message has been edited by Kielo (09-28-2002 10:18 PM).] |
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