flame calico ---co-written by Elizabeth Cor

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2002-09-24 06:05 AM

quiet words hurt softly ceilings
how my tears cement the dust
of yesterdays
pave future's floor
footprints pacing history's tracings
footprints hastening lacings
i circle back
as if to catch
your ghost in mirror of a door
from a single candle lit
i shelter now--
flame calico--
to my parched lips
a grimace starched
in curl of burn
a rhapsody
of notes on page
surrounding cello of our grave...

I can take this bow and string
and bend it
the hair falls from the frame
like a girl's--
like a man's--like a strong hand's
understand
wishes swallowed and forgotten
i hone this sadness like a bride.

I drop the veil before my eyes
I am notes meant for a harp--

unsung...

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (09-24-2002 07:27 AM).]

Krishankins

Senior Member

since 2002-06-23

Posts 972
Texas

1 posted 2002-09-24 10:45 AM

"how my tears cement the dust of yesterday"
Very powerful line! It shows how permanent memories can be. Wonderful write!!

Hey dog, did you see the size of that chicken!?

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

2 posted 2002-09-24 02:07 PM

The only critique I can make on this
is the repetition of footprint
with a sort of obscure rhyme
the second time around.

Otherwise, this duet flowed
as gracefully and laced
as any of yours or hers,
apart.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-09-24 02:15 PM

gotta giggle...neither one of us liked the lines---but we wore each other out--and at MY stupid suggestion--put BOTH...

grin...there ya go MEG...*chuckling*

told ya tho, if it didn't work SOMEONE would say so! grinning over here....

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

4 posted 2002-09-24 05:11 PM

I drop the veil before my eyes
I am notes meant for a harp--

unsung...

When I saw the two names I knew this would be a quality read. You both excelled my expectations, nothing short of excellence.

Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood
L cohen

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

5 posted 2002-09-24 05:15 PM

Awesome write

Cold hands means a warm heart

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

6 posted 2002-09-24 05:15 PM

enjoyed

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2002-09-27 01:46 AM

Very nice...James

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

8 posted 2002-09-28 12:03 PM

whatthehell is this doing a page or two back?

Geesh..
Here is a lift back to the top in the name of excellence. Damn this is perfect.

"two hearts will build the foundation for one point of light
a duet done with passion"

excerpt from "I Love You"

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