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Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2002-09-23 07:02 AM

You’re back to being
An Appalachian hermit,
Amongst familiar,
Those old hills of rocks and trees
Where wind still blows free
Unrestricted by concrete
Unformed by steel beams.
Your home still waits your return,
With it’s unlocked doors
And glassless window vistas,
Open the shutters
Let in the beaming sunlight,
The Autumn fragrance,
And the song of migration.
When done this letter
Walk the steep mountain pathway
And glance Eastward without tears.

Gloom
Inspired by Chinese T’ang Dynasty’s great poet Wang Wei’s
“TO QIWU QIAN BOUND HOME AFTER FAILING IN AN EXAMINATION”
Updated to a modern American theme in a Japanese Choka Form

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2002-09-23 07:19 AM

Beautifully composed Professor Gloom. You've evoked a a desire within me, to head to the hills myself, away from the confines of these city walls. A wonderful read, very much enjoyed the essence you've captured here.

Best wishes,
/Kit

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2002-09-23 10:03 AM

Wonderfully written

Cold hands means a warm heart

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-09-23 01:55 PM

alright...you've got me cocking my head sideways here...tapping my toe, here, isn't this a type of form? It's beautiful yanno, but now? like a little kid at the magic show, I wanna know how you did it...

I was just reading up on a Japanese form style which I wanted to try, but the language difference made it difficult for me to think in the same manner, (I have the same problem with haiku--I always felt the English could not do the form justice) so 'splain it to me, Prof!!!!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2002-09-23 02:04 PM

There is a place
where I can do just this
but the shackles bind
'tho the hand is kind...

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

5 posted 2002-09-23 02:16 PM

Thank you, Kit McCallum,
I’m pleased you enjoyed it, I used to get that feeling all the time,
I lived in WV for a while, before moving back to the city.
I miss the quieter life style a bit.

Thank you, the_loner_23,
Glad you liked it.

Thank you, Serenity Blaze,
‘spainin might be easy and tough too,
Haiku 5,7,5 in English syllables, in Japanese thoughts
(sometimes it’s the same, others not)
Choka 5,7,(5,7,)x 7 a tanka is the shortest form 5,7,5,7,7
Any number of 5,7, units can be added as long as you end in a pair of sevens.
This is just forms, styles change due to content of what you speak about
But it should always tend to the association of nature.
Death poems and 100 line poems fall into the mix with their own names
And different lengths 3,9, 15’s lead to an entirely different set of styles.
Confused yet?
Remember there are books devoted to just explaining one of these styles.
Also in English the accent is not taken into account, since it’s reading.

Gloom

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2002-09-23 02:24 PM

Gloom, your explanation is very close to what I was reading, which is what started my confusion in the first place--but I am intrigued by the mathematics of both music and poetry---and doubly intrigued by the idea of "thought" also being disciplined into a mathematical formula. Let's face it, I am simply confused at the idea of "disciplined thought!"

But I thank you for your kind explanation. But don't expect me to write the stuff...lol, I'll just enjoy reading YOU.

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