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Hapless
Junior Member

since 2002-09-22

Posts 10
NY, USA

0 posted 2002-09-22 12:49 PM

Hi, first post

The sun pours down my face
and all I can think of is you.
Basking in your warmth
like a late autumn day.
Ever fleeting
That feeling of being
Being with you.

I'm kind of a newbie to poetry and I want to share some in a bigger enviornment than my creative writing class, so please gimme some critiques

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

1 posted 2002-09-22 01:49 AM

Hapless,
Well I'm no critic. But I had not the courage to start with a post! I'm impressed and welcome to Passions. Write on. Watch out for Sunshine...

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2002-09-22 02:08 AM

Enjoyed this one, short and vivid.

The only thing I can critique is the word being is there twice and I'm thinking you didn't intend that.

I think you've said a lot in a few words which is a popular method, now me, I say little in a lot of words.

Welcome!!

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

3 posted 2002-09-22 08:05 AM

Welcome to Passion in Poetry - This is a great place for beginners to professionals - We're a family of friends. Settle in, enjoy some good reading, and make some new friends...

...And check your email for a special greeting..

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2002-09-22 08:11 AM

Watch out for Sunshine, indeed!!! Welcome to Passions, Hap! Had I been earlier, you would have received an E-mail from me with this poem on a card, but Nan beat me to it. She's also someone who enjoys the pleasures of the Sun...so your poem has hit home with two of us, that's for sure!

Don't stop getting all you can from your writing class, and look around our place, because we have a Critical Analysis area where they can really help your poetry move along; we have prose, several other areas where the poetry doesn't move as fast but the friends you meet will last you a lifetime...

and most of all, we're open 24/7...so enjoy!

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

5 posted 2002-09-22 09:23 AM

Josh~

'Basking in your warmth
like a late autumn day'

Wonderful imagery comes forth in this thought~

Welcome to Passions~

As you tour our many forums ... take time to drop in on the Poetry Workshop ... lots of sharing and learning of different poetic forms ... AND ... we have a merry-go-round on the playground !
That's usually where you can find me ... after I've turned in my homework~

Just a 'heads up' ... teacher lets Newbies clean the erasers~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

6 posted 2002-09-22 09:58 AM

Welcome to passions I enjoyed the images. I would also hope to see more of you.

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

7 posted 2002-09-22 10:24 AM

Hapless
Welcome and enjoyed the write.

Hapless
Junior Member

since 2002-09-22

Posts 10
NY, USA

8 posted 2002-09-22 12:02 PM

Thanks for all the kind words

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

9 posted 2002-09-22 12:58 PM

Hapless - Welcome to Passions!! I enjoyed your first post. Have fun here. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

10 posted 2002-09-22 03:23 PM

Yay!!! Oh Josh, you have come to the right place, we love poetry of all kinds and just know you will make a wonderful part of this family! This is a lovely debut, sweet firend, I LOVE IT!!! Welcome to Passions, sweet Josh, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your lovely words, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Josh, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

11 posted 2002-09-22 03:41 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!
Enjoyed your first post...
I look forward to seeing more of your work.
~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
So you won't ever forget me ~

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

12 posted 2002-09-22 04:23 PM

Welcome!
Refreshing to see your clear and open style of write. Glad you joined us, and look forward to reading more of your work. ThisDiamond

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