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Open Poetry #22
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Antihero
New Member
since 2002-09-15
Posts 5
NC, US

0 posted 2002-09-17 11:50 PM



The last thing you said to me...
hmm
Funny how these things just slip away.
I guess you didn't mean that much to me after all,
in the end.

I think it was something bad.
Something huge and momentous,
something like a wailed curse after a father's execution,
looming out of your doorway like a freight train full of ghosts
bearing down on...who, Me?

Something good, maybe?
My mind says doubt it, but you were one of the nicer ones.
Maybe you told me that this made you happy.
We were over, but you were happy.
Through your tears, you were happy.
Though your heart was broken, you were happy.
Though you were sprained and bleeding and twisted and shattered before me, you were happy.
Maybe not.

I wish I could remember, you know.
I wish that I could call it up in case I ever needed a good parting line,
because I think that I was stung.
A good line is indispensable.
I have a few.
I may have used a few on you.
Maybe thats why you left.
Maybe thats why i'm sitting here now.
Hmm.

I wonder what you said, as you left.
With a grocery bag full of your possessions,
a cardboard box full of books.
A catscratched soul with leaking eyes.
All over my nice, creamy, deep shag carpet.
I should have kept my reciept.

I should have ran out to your car,
notepad in hand, pen in ear.
Repeat that, would you?  I may need it someday soon.
Who knows, maybe we'll get back together
I might need to use it on you!
And wouldn't that be grand?
Wouldn't that be a goddam SPECTACLE.

Who cares what you said.
You lied, I lied, who keeps track of these things?
I'm glad you're gone, you selfish girl.
Get a life, get lost, go fly a kite, put an egg in your shoe and beat it.
Who needs you.
Who needs you.
I'm doing better than ever now
with this bag of chips and this television.
These godawful microwave hot dogs and this bottle of Jameson.
This filthy t-shirt and these mismatched socks.
Who needs you.

Years ago now, and Ha Ha, i'm still alive.
Thought I couldn't live without you, did you?
Still kickin, baby.
Still workin it, still got the spark, still legendary.
They're still breakin down my door,
still gotta fight em off with a stick.

Still dying.
Still dying, since you left.
Still trying to forget what you said.
The last thing you said.
Still trying to forget.
You said goodbye.

© Copyright 2002 Kenny boy - All Rights Reserved
the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
1 posted 2002-09-17 11:51 PM


I love it

Cold hands means a warm heart

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2002-09-18 03:26 AM


Kenny, you really got me with this one. goodbyes are traumatic. You've expressed the pain and anguish well, and the hurt bled through this poem.
amusemi
Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262
A State of Disarray
3 posted 2002-09-18 09:15 AM


I can surely Identify with this one.  A great write.  It expresses the pain and the self preservation in the break up of a relationship.  Well done.


Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
4 posted 2002-09-18 10:06 AM


Yea....been there.."kind of"....except she told me..."How can I say I miss you when I can't get you to leave...how can I feel loneliness when I don't have room to breathe....you said that you'd take care of me...I think I've been deceived...how can I get you to leave?...

Good write...interesting way with thoughts

[This message has been edited by Toerag (09-18-2002 11:21 AM).]

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
5 posted 2002-09-19 02:17 AM


Perhaps something like one less egg to fry...James
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

6 posted 2002-09-19 07:16 AM


Just my kind of style...almost a stream of conciousness here? Yet, it seems a little too crafted to be that completely...

For a longer poem, this had me reading from top to bottom without restlessness, not something I do easily...

I see you encourage critiques...the one thing I would suggest then, if you wanted to make this a little tighter and reduce that stream of conciousness feel, is cut back on some of the repetitious phrasing...

damn good write...

K

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2002-09-19 11:23 AM


it does hurt like that, I know...and it does heal like that too! Good job!
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