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| Open Poetry #22 |
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Fragments |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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I despise the degenerates of my generation, Mannequins with artificial smiles, Getting high on Zoloft, writing equations In the caskets of classrooms, meanwhile, Life passes by like an ex in the see-through Marijuana smoke through their blood-shod eyes, Through their pitch-dark lungs where the sun appears to Have ceased to rise. I despise clocks and watches, adore photo- graphs, adore memory for it's like a pothole, Where the time freezes and expands like water, I adore puddles. I adore reflections, but despise shadows On the barren walls that attract them like magnets. I despise emptiness for it makes things shallow, I adore fragments. Check out my poetry here: http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master [This message has been edited by Master (09-15-2002 09:31 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Masterful command of language and image! Nan(Pilgrim variety) |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
I havent done a formal reading of this yet but strictly emotional man this thing is gold wow |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Master~ You write breathtaking fragments~ This is gut-good ! *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
I despise the degenerates of my generation, Great illiteration here with generate and generation sounds awesome and the language holds to it Mannequins with artificial smiles i like the mannequin metaphor but artificial smiles makes me feel like they're happiness is in someone elses controll...which if you're going for the conformist side works well, but I see them as happy in their ignorance, although writing that makes me think you're right anyway Getting high on Zoloft, writing equations In the caskets of classrooms, loved that meanwhile, Life passes by like an ex in the see-through Marijuana smoke through their blood-shod eyes, Love the images of an ex, sort of love lost bitterness to life, but the rest of the line with the repeat of through kinda of threw me...no pun intended, and the line is really confusing Through their pitch-dark lungs where the sun appears to Have ceased to rise. throwing the end of that line into the past tense confuses me, is that just a language thing or did you do that on purpose? I'd take more liking to a more definitive "where the sun ceases to rise." I despise clocks and watches, adore photo- graphs, adore memory for it's like a pothole, Where the time freezes and expands like water, I adore puddles. wow I adore reflections, but despise shadows On the barren walls that attract them like magnets. I despise emptiness for it makes things shallow, I adore fragments. I know a poet breaking down his own poem is like a magician revealing his tricks but im not picking up the symbolism of the reflection/shadows, I sort of see-saw on whether or not I know whats going on. This, Master, of all your poems is my favorite, its a puzzle you no doubt took lots of time to put together, I am envious. I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Awesome Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
You'd could blow me over with a feather right now. The impact of your words and the import of your message, cause this muse to muse! Very well done! Earth Angel |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
and I adore this piece of writing! |
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