The Ballad of Eunice Stone

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RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

0 posted 2002-09-14 11:18 AM

We need no stinkin' CIA
security's homegrown,
the feds just waste our tax away
we need more Eunice Stones.

The FBI just lets 'em in
to roam the countryside,
but Eunice knows a Gunga Din
sure as a doublewide.

There's a dinah down in Joja
where Eunice likes to sit
and afta ya praise the Lord ya
wolf down hominy grits.

Sidles in three swarthy furners
to the adjacent booth
and their looks alone concern her
turns now Eunice to a sleuth.

One wears one of them funny hats
and sports a scraggly beard,
Eunice is sure it's Arafat
the way they's dressed is weird.

She listens with her son Bubba
(or was it Claude er Clem?)
to hear what ol' Beelzebubs a
brewin' in this devils den.

They leave, she gets the numbered plate
then bustles to a phone
and tells a tale that can't await
we might be overthrown.

"They's headed down to FLA
to blow up half the state,
hurry boys! they'll get away"
she hyperventilates.

"Well whad ya hear?" asks CNN
as Eunice fluffs her hair,
"They have a bomb those awful men
am I still on the air?"

"They said they's gonna bring us down
they's startin' at South Beach,
is Sam Donaldson around?
and where's that Robin Leach?".

The great Gubmint nets are tightened
in the state that cannot count,
Ashcroft thanks Eunice "Frightnin'
means we need give no account"

The state, the feds, hell Interpol
fine policework, great expense,
caught because they paid no toll
left their change purse in their tents.

Let's fire all those agencies,
keep the taxes that they leech,
replace them in emergencies
with a network of nebbish,

an Alice Kravitz department
parted curtains, eavesdropped phones,
a chain of yentas to augment
Big Brother chaperon.

What difference whose hand we hold
as we jump into the fire?
For all the news, truth be told
is brought to you by liars.

"Happy people have no history" - French Proverb

[This message has been edited by RSWells (09-14-2002 01:55 PM).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

1 posted 2002-09-14 11:31 AM

RSWells
A good and interesting write. I enjoyed the read.

Crazy Eddie
Member

since 2002-09-14

Posts 178

2 posted 2002-09-14 07:56 PM

I too enjoyed the read, an interesting angle on a popular theme well thought out and executed.

It seems strange this hasn’t received more replies.

Well done

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

3 posted 2002-09-14 09:28 PM

Very interesting

Cold hands means a warm heart

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

4 posted 2002-09-14 10:10 PM

LOL, except it isn't really so funny, is it? Mebbe we shudda jest turned 'em gators loose in gator alley? But what if those guys really had set out to blow up that no-accounting state?

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2002-09-15 04:22 AM

Well this is hilarious, but I tell you I was sure mad when it was all over, I "bought into it" again, and I hate that when the media makes me feel even more dumb. Good approach to a great news story, and to tell you the truth I enjoyed your verson better

The most valuable thing you own is a smile, wear it, and share it.
Sharon

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