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Observations from a Hill
| Open Poetry #22 |
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Observations from a Hill |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533
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The power walk which ended on the crest of this great hill where a bowered rock extended a crow's nest its stoney sill afforded an advantage where one fourth the city viewed, supported so by natures stage I shunned all for solitude. Miles away the valley turned where the timeless river rolled, my eyes assayed the souls interned ensnared in the ridges fold the cupolas, the steeples, ancient roofs, green turned copper, chimneyed mansards topping peoples seen here both rich and pauper yet frantically most lives spent in din of a working wage, romantically they discontent chagrin in a murky rage. In anger quaff thier nightcaps often violence percolates, once sanguine, soft, Loves tender trap now silent somnambulate. Draw nigh this night your sweet mate in the bed that you both made, untie the tightened fists of fate and instead be passion swayed. Free is Love it has no debt and so cruel is sorrows sum, free your Love have no regret if tomorrow never comes. As often shown I perch above what so many have below, aloft, alone I search the Love that so many leave unsown. "Happy people have no history" - French Proverb [This message has been edited by RSWells (09-03-2002 08:22 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Richard S. Wells jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
a marvelous feel and flow from your perch you see much and describe well there were a few places where the meter was off, but I know in a couple days, if you read aloud, you'll find them...after all, it may be just my reading of them, but just in case, look for the syl. count and the accents, I think they'll be an easy fix Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Richard To stand back from the grit and look a treasure-truth of aware melts even time You are a deep talent of words...enjoyed this! |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Meter though not tight exists here. 7, 7, 8, 7 was the general theme. The fifth stanza includes words of ambiguous pronunciation; frantically and romantically, which were intended to be read as 3 and 4 syllables respectively. The eighth stanza third line falls short a click. The last stanza first line has one too many. An outlaw I'll hide behind the badge of poetic license. |
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