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Open Poetry #21
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too bad....
| Open Poetry #21 |
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too bad.... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I moved to brush your hair from face-- longing lingered in my fingers... worship pouted in the trace-- shadows shed their doubt-- I lingered... There is a "catch" of you, in eye-- shadows whisper "wonder why"-- there is trace of you on skin-- hopes that sun may dawn again... echoes whisper in my ear-- haunting of an old day done-- echoes whisper in my ear, taunting of a new day's blood. zzzzzzzzz (hated the last verse) [This message has been edited by serenity (06-26-2002 08:48 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Like this...James |
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Muys Member
since 2002-04-06
Posts 389The Netherlands |
[This message has been edited by Muys (06-26-2002 12:31 PM).] |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
I really like this Karen... Especially the first verse Good 'stuff'!! ~Hugs~ |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, Yes the first verse is the best, but it was all good.  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
funny, I read the first verse? and all I can think, is "oh baby..." I HATE me for that, yanno.  Love sucks. But only when it's really good... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
There is a "catch" of you, in eye-- shadows whisper "wonder why"-- there is trace of you on skin-- hopes that sun may dawn again... *sigh*  echoes whisper in my ear-- haunting of an old day done-- echoes whisper in my ear, taunting of a new day's blood. ============================== dont make me tell Ron to take your edits away cant have you breaking the mirrors before I get to see me in them  When your own emptiness is all thats getting through, |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
I liked the whole poem, Karen...whats wrong with the last verse? ~ hugs of self doubt ?Lyra |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
yeah. . . why did you hate the last verse??? I demand a re-write!! LOL loved it serenity. . . ------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I like the last verse OK! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Love sucks, but only when it's really good should be a poem of its own. And you could always change th' last word to sun, if that works. These smiling eyes are just a mirror for the sun. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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darkling Member
since 2001-08-28
Posts 90altered state of mind |
wonderful! I like the strung out look. I liked all of it. Im rather partial to the zzzz's at the end. Keep the ink flowing! its amazing what one single word can do. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
I liked the last verse!! And all the others as well. Sandra |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
oooohh sis...smells like *love*... *inhaling the versatility of you* bout time I seen some uh this comin from your way... Even if it DOES postpone your trip...  love ya!!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(big hugggssssss) Ooohhhhhh...I loved every verse in this, I think even the last verse is wonderful! (kiss on cheek) This is wonderful and so very well-crafted, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love. Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
longing lingered in my fingers... worship pouted in the trace-- shadows shed their doubt-- I lingered... I was trying to write this earlier, now you've already done it. Damn. Loved it, K. Forgetting all I'm lacking |
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