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Open Poetry #21

My first Tanka

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member

since 2002-05-22

Posts 1667
New York

0 posted 2002-08-12 05:10 PM

Clouds of heavens day
a subtle reasons sky so blue
angels soar beneath his eyes
flourish candies brilliant eyes
silently wasted

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2002-08-12 05:22 PM

Clouds of heavens day
subtle reasons sky so blue
silently wasted
angels soar beneath his eyes
flourish candies brilliant eyes

There you go

5,7,5,7,7. These are sometimes tricky but I see you counted it really well! I think you had a little typo on the second line and the "a" was left that is all I could see.

Good for you! I see you have been reading and this was a fantastic first attempt.

Here is a great link for you Kellie http://www.ahapoetry.com/richtank.htm

I pass this way but once so I hope to meet you.

Sharon

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member

since 2002-05-22

Posts 1667
New York

2 posted 2002-08-12 05:26 PM

oops the "a" wasn't supposed to be there i dont think. well i read wrong cuz i thought it was 57575

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member

since 2002-05-22

Posts 1667
New York

3 posted 2002-08-13 09:53 PM

Clouds of heavens day
subtle reasons sky so blue
silently wasted
angels soar beneath his eyes
flourish candies brilliant cries

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