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SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

0 posted 2002-08-09 04:03 PM

A Helping Hand
~By Sue~

A child who grows up never doing anything right
Gets to the point of never even wanting to try
Believing that everything she does is wrong
Alot of times she lays in bed as she silently cries

There are times when she thinks she isn't loved
Because no matter how hard she tries she's wrong
Discouraging her from ever trying to do anything
In other ways she works at becoming really strong

Learning later on in her life who she should please
She focuses on trying to be the best she can be
A loving heart she will always have to give to others
Always there to give a helping hand to those in need

There are times when you can't please anyone at all
All you can do is be there just in case they might fall

8-8-02

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

1 posted 2002-08-09 04:09 PM

Hey Sue - You're doing a superb job of venting your feelings through your poetry. Here's a quick suggestion - This is a 'rhyming' poem written in quatrains (four lines). Just for kicks, let's try taking it and breaking up into uneven lines - setting apart some of the words you most want your reader to absorb.. Then post it in the workshop and we'll see if we get the same feel, or some different impressions...

Whatcha think?..

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

2 posted 2002-08-09 04:09 PM

SmartChick - I can sympathize with your words, as I've know them well. Best to you...

BC

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2002-08-09 04:43 PM

I know your heart my be breaking Sue..
But please continue to write it out...
I know it must be terrible to live with.
Many hugs to you dear poetess.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

4 posted 2002-08-09 06:06 PM

SweetSuzieQ~

'In other ways she works at becoming really strong

Learning later on in her life who she should please
She focuses on trying to be the best she can be
A loving heart she will always have to give to others
Always there to give a helping hand to those in need'

Sweetie, this is a wonderful spill of your emotions ... I think you are really working on being the 'best' you can be~
It sometimes seems so difficult to climb out of an emotional hole others have shoved us in ... but ... you are on the way UP !
And your giving heart will help someone else to see their way clear to do the same~

You go gal ... you've 'turned a corner'~
I love you~
*HUGS*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2002-08-09 06:44 PM

(tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Sue, this is soooooo heartachingly beautiful, and I believe with all my heart you are the best. You are a very beautiful and sensitive person and don't deserve to be tormented like this, sweet friend, through the tears you have become a true angel as I suffered once as a boy also and I know now knowing anything is possible joy is bound to come your way! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sue, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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